Things we say, but don't say

Imagine being twenty three, married just over a year.... and now thinking, Is this really all there is??


My husband is great, no doubt. The kind that wants to make everyone happy, all the time. But also the kind who feels that happiness in life is restricted to 1, Get married 2, Settle down (where it is convenient to be with his family every time,  all the time) 3, Have kids 4, Grow old.

And me? You ask? Well, I want to rent a cozy flat in New York city. I want to sit by the fireplace and read romance novels on my days off. I want to sip on hot chocolate while watching the rain glide down my window. I don't want to always  have some family function or get-together to rush of to whenever there is some spare time.

Thing is... my husband and I never spoke of these things before marriage.  He would talk about living in places where the air smelled fresh, where there were mountains and nature burst around us. I would talk of living where it snowed, where there would be real fireplaces,  where I could be a Writer. But,  did either of us say, This is what I want out of life... No.

This is how I find myself in a good life, but a restricted one. This is how I find myself asking, Will it ever be enough?

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