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Most of the time, I go along in my daily life and don't really think much about being the third parent in Juniper's life. I know I'm not her mother, and I'm clearly not her father, so what's the big deal? I put away her clothes, feed her meals, provide her with love and plan for her future, just the same as I would if I were her first or second parent.
She, like Rosebud, is with us for the majority of her time. So I, along with Buddy, parent her most of the time.
We rub along together, a nice little family of four with a few trendy and modern day accessories (like ex-husbands and ex-wives).
And every now and again, my mental mode comes to a screeching halt and I'm reminded that I'm only the third parent.
For example, take Juniper's acting classes. They were my idea, based in part on a strong feeling that she needs outlets to express herself, and honestly - based in part on the fact that I really lusted after acting classes when I was a kid. Hey, that's part of a parent's right, right? To give to their kids what they themselves wanted to have?
No?
Anyway, these acting classes. They occur every Saturday evening, and I had happily finagled myself into the position of the parent who takes her there, waits for her, and brings her back.
Not exactly what most would consider a treat. But still. I wanted to see the light in her eyes at the end of class. I wanted to be "the parent" who was involved in this activity.
And yet.
Because we have Juniper most of the time, when her mother asks for her, we oblige. We do this because we know it's important for both of them to maintain the connection. So, day or night, weekend or weekday, whenever it comes up, she goes.
And I lose out. Because I can't say "Wait! This is *my* activity with Juniper! I want to do this with her!" I can't say this because I'm the third parent, and my wants and needs in that role are not just secondary, they're tertiary. Or even further down, if you aren't already assuming that Juniper's feelings are truly primary.
It sucks. It sucks because it's a wrench in my normal routine of being her parent. It's a reminder that there is parenting ground that I cannot tread. My assertions of what I think is best for her have to be transmitted to Buddy, agreed upon, and then maybe relayed out to the other parent.
Mostly, this system works fine.
But it's the little things, like taking her to acting class. Or having a pedicure (without a) making it a secret or b) ticking off her mother) together. These are the little things that remind me I'm third.
It will continue through her life, too. Her first steps into womanhood. Marriage (if she goes this way). Babies (ditto). I will be the one in the background, bursting with pride, joy, words, advice or assvice, just waiting for my chance to come in and celebrate with her.
After the other two are done.
Still, I love the girl. I'll take whatever role must be had, in order to be in her life.
It just ain't fun to be third, sometimes.
