Thoughts and Worries on Being Pregnant Again

I recently just found out that I'm pregnant again. We were trying, so it isn't something that comes as a shock to me. Honestly, I'm a bit shocked that it took as long as it did, seeing as how we did the deed a few times a day over the last few months. That's not really what my concern is. Or what's been racing through my mind. 

My first child has autism. While there are, of course, several things that could have caused it, or prevented it, or whatever you want to blame, the point being is that my oldest child, almost 4, has autism.  The first year and a half of his life, until we started getting services and started the process of testing through Early Intervention were brutal.  He regressed in skills, he was delayed lanuage until he was almost two, he didn't walk until he was almost two, and he just finished potty training a week ago. We learned in this time that he has an eating disorder, and a sleep disorder, and high anxiety, also, don't forget the agoraphobia that criples him any time we have to leave the house. 

It's been a lot of trial and error with the little guy, but since we found out that he had autism, things have gotten a bit smoother. Life isn't as rough as it was those first couple of years. Now, we're getting ready to have baby number two. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I know that having two will be a change from having just one, and things will be different in a lot of ways. Thing 1 will have a playmate, I'll be more tired, and Thing 2 will have someone to lead him/her into trouble once s/he learns to walk and talk. 

Simply having another isn't want weighs on my mind. There are a lot of other things that do though. Like whether I'm a carrier for autism (is it random, or do you have to have a carrier, I don't even know?) This baby will have a different father than Thing 1-- not to say that he isn't his father since he's adopting him after we get married next summer, but does that lower or heighten the chances of Thing 2 having autism too?

I'm older now, I'll be 29 when this babe is born, I'm also overweight, obese, actually for my height. I was with my first as well but things turned out fine there. But the combination of being older and heavier concerns me because I don't know what it could do for the baby. I'm sure that I'm over reaching as I eat a healthy diet and I walk everywhere since we're a one car family and the car is gone all day. 

I haven't had my first appointment with the OB yet, but I'm concerned about multiples. According to my calculations, I should be roughly six weeks based on the date of my last period. I'm more tired than I ever was at this point with Thing 1. My heart races, it feels as if there is a lot of movement, I can't get comfortable because I feel as if something is resting on my spine all the time and it aches, and statistically, my age range is at a much higher risk for multiples than when I was younger. Oh, and there's that thing about the family history.. there's a lot of twins in my family from my sisters, father, grandfather, and a set of cousins from my father's twin. 

I might just be over reaching and my mind is wandering because I'm pregnant and don't have much else to do but thinks about it since I know nothing yet, not even an official measurement or due date as of yet. I'm excited as I know this journey will be a lot more different than it was the first time. My fiance is a very commited guy, taking on someone else's child and still wanting more, even knowning and accepting the autism is a very real risk that he'll take any day of the week to have more children. 

Overall, I'm simply worried. Likely overthinking things, and simply can't wait to start purchasing things in pink or blue. 




I <3 Food, Needs More Crayons,


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