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I've moved many times in my life - 22 if I'm remembering them all. I am tired of moving. I mean bone weary. Not surprisingly I crave stability. I want to stay put someplace and grow old there.
Or at least I think that is what I want. And it seems that by chasing it, wanting it so much, perhaps too much, and not appreciating when it shows up in my life, I get constant upheaval and moving.
My longing for stability and its spurning of me is teaching me a lot, though. Maybe that is what I am supposed to get out of this or maybe it is the road that will lead me to what I want. Who knows? In the meantime I am trying to learn the lessons and appreciate the gifts.
Lesson number one: I cannot control what I cannot control. Duh.
I like this definition of the term "herding cats:"
A saying that refers to a task that is extremely difficult or impossible to do, due to one or more variables being in flux and uncontrollable.
I realized that this is a lesson I need to learn while I was trying to literally herd an actual cat. I was petsitting for my neighbor and one of her cats is a very frightened and nervous critter. I thought he had made peace with my occasional presence and gifts of food because the last time I made my visitations he had started emerging from under the bed and allowing himself to be in my presence. But no. He was extremely unhappy that his person was gone and I was in his home instead. His litter box habits went a little cattywampus shall we say.
His owner was worried by this behavior and wanted me to take him to the vet to ensure that it wasn't being caused by a potentially fatal blockage. So I gamely tried to capture the frightened beast. Suffice it to say, he would have none of it and managed to burrow himself into a corner underneath the bed that, even if I had the strength to lift the bed straight up over my head, I would have no hands to catch him. (Fortunately he only had a touch of inflammation and is doing just fine.)
I accepted my inability to control another being, especially a terrified feline.
Lesson number two: Learn to recognize when you've been given what you've asked for.
I wanted stability. I wanted to get off the roller coaster and have things stop spinning around me. And guess what? I've now lived in my current home longer than I've lived any place in my adult life. I have also consistently expressed a desire not to move multiple more times and I haven't despite my recent thoughts of doing just that.
I spend so much energy asking that I don't have the focus to recognize the receiving.
Lesson number three: Appreciate what you have.
Instead of being grateful that I have achieved even a bit of the stability I sought instead I've focused on the shortcomings of my place. Now, don't get me wrong, having so many leaks in my roof that I've run out of buckets to catch the water in, a mouse invasion and sewage leaks from above and below - these are not minor problems. But, other than what has added up to a few weeks, I've been able to live in my home for several years, it has everything I sought in a place to live, my neighborhood is lovely, I've gotten to know and become friendly with several of my neighbors. Though I have much to rightly complain about I also have much to rightly be grateful for. This little lesson has been served lately by looking at possible housing alternatives. It ain't pretty out there and what is pretty ain't cheap. It's been a stark reminder that until I learn how not just to accept what I have but truly appreciate it, I am bound to be held back and continue to be taught this lesson over and over until I grok it.
Do you seek stability? Have you found it? What benefits have you found or do you think will come from stability?
Related Reading:
Bizzie Mommy: why real life is kind of like lost?
Jack, Kate, and Sawyer, and all of their friends have no control over their circumstances and every time they think they have everything figured out, there are thrown a curve ball. A big curve ball!
Intuition Girl: Fear
