Three Questions: What Do You Love? What Do You Fear? What Do You Want?

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I'm currently working on Uncovering the Mirrors, a solo performance based on my identity as a queer woman. I will debut this September at at the first annual Chicago Fringe Festival. As part of the creative process, my director gave me the following questions as a writing prompt.

1. What do you love?

I love getting out of my head. The feeling of doing something purely physical: playing a song on the piano that I know really well and flowing into the music; biking along the lakefront; holding a really good handstand or whipping around on a Spanish Web; a mind-blowing and body-cleansing orgasm.

I love solving a problem that has been itching at me. Of making technology bend to my will, and deliver satisfying and consistent results. I love the relief that comes when a solution is Right and True.

I love my body when I’m able to feel feminine. I love looking down and seeing my breasts, feeling their weight. I love the wonder of skin and and bone and muscle.

I love a strong sense of community: artistic, social, familial. Of understanding, and being understood. Knowing, and being known.

2. What do you fear?

I fear ridicule. I fear denial of my self and my identity. I fear violence against my person, I fear assault, I fear rape, I fear murder. I fear that who I am will close more doors than it opens, that the "trans" part of my identity will subsume the rest of me. I fear that my friends and their friends and everyone I meet thinks of me as “that trans woman.”

I fear that I’ll always think of myself as a trans woman; that I’ll always think of myself as a woman* instead of a woman.

3. What do you want?

I want happiness and contentment. I want to be able to identify as trans without having to identify as trans.

I want to be financially secure and independent.

I want to be in a strong, healthy, loving, sexy, sexual relationship.

I want to be calm, cool, collected.

I want to be satisfied, artistically, professionally, socially, sexually, personally, privately, publicly, and completely.

What do you love? What do you fear? What do you want?

Rebecca Kling writes at The Thang Blog. Her artist site is RebeccaKling.com.

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