Three Questions: What Do You Love? What Do You Fear? What Do You Want?
I'm currently working on Uncovering the Mirrors, a solo performance based on my identity as a queer woman. I will debut this September at at the first annual Chicago Fringe Festival. As part of the creative process, my director gave me the following questions as a writing prompt.
1. What do you love?
I love getting out of my head. The feeling of doing something purely physical: playing a song on the piano that I know really well and flowing into the music; biking along the lakefront; holding a really good handstand or whipping around on a Spanish Web; a mind-blowing and body-cleansing orgasm.
I love solving a problem that has been itching at me. Of making technology bend to my will, and deliver satisfying and consistent results. I love the relief that comes when a solution is Right and True.
I love my body when I’m able to feel feminine. I love looking down and seeing my breasts, feeling their weight. I love the wonder of skin and and bone and muscle.
I love a strong sense of community: artistic, social, familial. Of understanding, and being understood. Knowing, and being known.
2. What do you fear?
I fear ridicule. I fear denial of my self and my identity. I fear violence against my person, I fear assault, I fear rape, I fear murder. I fear that who I am will close more doors than it opens, that the "trans" part of my identity will subsume the rest of me. I fear that my friends and their friends and everyone I meet thinks of me as “that trans woman.”
I fear that I’ll always think of myself as a trans woman; that I’ll always think of myself as a woman* instead of a woman.
3. What do you want?
I want happiness and contentment. I want to be able to identify as trans without having to identify as trans.
I want to be financially secure and independent.
I want to be in a strong, healthy, loving, sexy, sexual relationship.
I want to be calm, cool, collected.
I want to be satisfied, artistically, professionally, socially, sexually, personally, privately, publicly, and completely.
What do you love? What do you fear? What do you want?