Obama: Back Away From Tiger

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I was going to write about the Climate Summit in Copenhagen, but being that I hang around with Republicans, I get more than enough of rich people telling poor people how they should be running their lives. And, frankly, I sucked at science, and had biology with the football coach so you know what? I don’t understand a lot of stuff about science. I get physics. I can do some math. Not a lot of math, but put the math in a Mythbusters episode and I can pretty much follow along as long as explosions are involved. But climatology? The closest I ever came to having a true understanding of weather and climate was either that year in elementary school where I watched a hell of a lot of Captain Planet, or that time a friend of mine working with me at Marshall Fields spotted a local weatherman she had naughty fantasies about buying a tie and forced me to hide behind a rack of clothes with her and watch him. She followed him or something weird. I went up to him later and, because this was the kind of situation that warranted this type of question, asked him how the weather was. He said, “fine.”

After that, everything I need to know, I learned from John Stossel's mustache.

So instead, I'm turning to a fresh topic, Tiger Woods. Because what good is a sex scandal with a terrible PR strategy if I can't use it to distract myself from real issues. At least until another governor goes on an Appalachian hiking trip. At any rate, given the events in Tigers life, he's about the only person who could make Barack Obama's last few weeks more awkward. From the Telegraph:

The pair, two of the most recognisable faces in the world, feature together on the January 2010 edition of Golf Digest.

The magazine features a photo shop mock up front cover of the two with Woods acting as Mr Obama's caddie as part of an article titled "10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger."

Among the tips, Mr Obama is urged to learn from Woods' image, saying: "Tiger never does anything that would make him ridiculous."

The article refers to Mr Obama and Woods as "two men [who] might have much to talk about, like siblings separated at birth," with the golfer praised as "a good role model because has always been able to pull himself together after setbacks".

I suspect the last sentence still has a shot at being true depending on how quickly he admits to having some sort of psychological or physical problem which America may use to excuse his behavior. Maybe. Considering that Holly Madison had some choice words from Urban Dictionary to describe Mr. Woods' chosen type of lady, I'd say it'll be a hard impression to ratify, but miracles do happen. Until then, though, I'd recommend Barack Obama stay as far away from Tiger Woods advice as he can. And as far away from Photoshop as humanly possible, because that's not really a flattering photo.

(Source: Golf Digest)

In all seriousness, apparently the two have met a few times and Tiger Woods spoke at Barack Obama's "We Are One" event, a speech where he stayed mainly non-political, wanted to have a round of golf with the President and gave a few statements the night of his inauguration, but other than that, Photoshop is about the only time you could find the two together. I guess perhaps Obama is thankful people are so distracted by Woods' parade of infidelity they're not paying attention to the Senate health care comprimise, or somewhere you could draw a metaphor about driving foreign policy into a tree and cheating on Congress with Al Gore -- or, if you're Slate and this is October, a grand comparison between Tiger Woods' first Masters win and Barack Obama's Nobel Peace Prize - but otherwise, the real loser here is Golf Digest. Hell if they're ever going to stick their nose in politics again.

Making a more nuanced comparison is Lisa Schiffren from American Thinker.

The Obama campaign did explicitly attempt to borrow the from the then-universal Tiger Woods appeal to allay any discomfort voters might have had with a mixed-race politician. They constructed a persona that would make the American electorate comfortable with a barely-known, first-term senator with a left wing voting record, a deliberately obscured personal and professional past, and no traditional qualifications for high office...And while it doesn't matter if another athlete