Time heals all?
Someday I want to stay in bed
and pull the covers over my head. I know troubles and issues will
always come up there is no such thing as perfect life is not perfect
and never will be. I am not expecting some kind of miracle. I do
believe that in time things will get better. Things will never be
perfect but I feel more confident in dealing with things as they arise
and come up. I also feel like I can take more responsibility for my
choices and actions. I want to get better physically, emotionally,
mentally, and spiritually. I know that in time that can and will happen
but I'm the one that has to start that process. In some ways I feel
like I already have but that was just the easy semi-easy stuff. Now my
HP wants me to do more and I've been reluctant. This week has needless
to say not gone as I planned. I was going to go to the college group
Sunday and got lost I was going to go to a meeting and have been sick
all week which, is why I haven't been on the computer very much. I just
hope and pray I'm better by tomorrow so I can go to church and try to
go to that college group again. On the holidays. I decided I will go to
my aunts house because I made a commitment so I will stick with that.
But, Christmas I'm keeping for myself and won't be making any
commitments that day unless it's something I really want to do. lol.
Tonight my aunt wanted me to go to dinner with her knowing I'm not
feeling well I did not promise or make a commitment that I would and I
don't think it's a good idea for me to go since I'm still feeling
terrible. Plus, if I want to have the energy to do what's important for
me to do tomorrow. Monday I have an appointment to fill out paperwork
at the mental health place. I'll let you know how everything goes. The
other day me and my aunt where talking and she said "you are a lot more
like me then you realize." I almost cringed. One of the reasons I'm in
recovery is because I don't want to be anything like her. But, I'm more
like my mom not her. My mom is not perfect but she is still a good
person who is kind (most of the time.) My aunt was saying how I don't
act like an Aquarius/Sagittarius my sun and rising sign. I don't really
believe in astrology but my aunt does. But, that's only because she
doesn't know the real me because I don't show the entire world who I am
at least not all the time. I admit that I do pretend to be another
person in front of some people like my aunt. My mom, My HP, My A
fiance, and this group I am honest with though. I just don't tell my
aunt my hopes and dreams because I know she will try to squash them.
Sorry for a long post I am not feeling well and got kind of off track.
I guess I had more on my mind then I realized today.