November is parent/teacher conference time of year. As the veteran mom of four children (ages 6, 8, 10 and 12), I’ve found that if you go to school with the right attitude and  ask the right questions, time alone with the teacher can be a valuable source of information about your child. But not everyone shares my view.

My friend Cathy (mom to kids ages 5, 8 and 14) feels that conferences with elementary school teachers are a colossal waste of time. In her mind, teachers deal with behavior problems immediately (if your kid is causing a ruckus, you’ll hear about sooner rather than later) and academic difficulties should be obvious from homework and test scores. So, what’s the point of a face-to-face meeting?

I say, a lot. Teachers can help you see the bigger picture. They are objective evaluators and have the perspective of trained professionals. Teachers spend an enormous amount of time with your child and see him interacting with other children in a way that is entirely different from what you’re likely see at home.

Last year’s conference with my son’s fourth grade teacher stands out as especially enlightening. Mrs. Buzaid’s description of Billy had me wondering whether we were discussing the same child. Because Billy didn’t often ask for playdates, I suspected he was having trouble socially. It turns out my assessment was completely wrong. Billy was extremely well-liked by his peers and treated as a leader, according to the teacher’s report. Mrs. Buzaid attributed the lack of playdates to Billy’s unusual maturity. “Don’t worry,” she said reassuringly, “Billy is doing fine. It’s just that he doesn’t have that much in common with his peers right now.” Phew!

Down the hall in kindergarten, I pointed out Caroline’s sloppy coloring and asked her teacher if it was indicative of a learning disorder. “Caroline is a very social child,” Mrs. Castaldo explained. “Staying in the lines just isn’t that interesting to her.”

Before you go to school take a few minutes to get organized. Ask your child about school—what she likes and dislikes; who her friends are, etc. I always save important school work in a folder for each child. Reviewing it prior to the conference provides a snapshot of what’s happening in the classroom and often some points to ponder. Here are some additional questions to ask to help you make the most of your time with the teacher.

·        What are your child’s favorite subjects?

·        What are his strengths? Weaknesses?

·        Does your child participate in class? Does she work hard?

·        How are classes structured? Is your child assigned to a group? If so, how are the groups assigned?

·        If your child falls behind, what steps will be taken?

·        What kind of support should be given at home?

·        Has the teacher noticed any worrisome behavior?

Ann Matturro Gault

Real Savvy Moms, education writer (11/4/08)