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Breezy Mama Elizabeth and I recently applied to become volunteers at our local YMCA. In order for our applications to be accepted, we had to take an on-line course that covered protecting kids from sexual abuse. After completing four 15-20 minute “modules” on-line, we – two mothers of three – were TRAUMATIZED!
First, the facts were startling. With figures such as only 3% of violators are caught, leaving another 97% to go on to molest their ENITRE lives, many attacking over 500 children each!
Then, there were the ACTUAL interviews with admitted molesters. One being your average neighbor-twenty-something who said he would do anything to be around kids. For example, volunteer at his church, coach sports teams, get jobs specifically working with kids, etc. Another was very involved in his community – in other words, also loved by everyone – and a school principal! After listening to their backgrounds, both were honestly two of the last people I would have suspected!
The fact of the matter is, that YES there’s that lurker in the park (like the awful Chelsea King and Amber Dubois tragedies) that also stands as a threat to assault your child, but the highest percentage of sexual attackers are not only someone that YOU know, but very likely someone you trusted. A perfect example given was the “coach.” Let’s say you aren’t able to pick up your 10 year old from practice, but the coach offers to give him a ride home. No brainer, right? Well, according to the actual molester, this was the perfect set-up for him!
To top it off, we also learned about older children preying on the younger. IN FACT, it stated that children as young as three and four (!!!!!) have been caught sexually violating other kids.
Watching ACTUAL young victims talk, one said, “How could my parents let this happen to me? They were supposed to protect me.” Stab. To. The. Heart.
Just how do you protect your kids? What type of personality and situations should you be aware of? And how do you educate your kids to be cautious? We turned to veteran sex crimes prosecutor, television analyst and author of My Privates are Private, Stacey Honowitz to answer Breezy Mama’s questions.
With the startling statistics of a sexual molester likely being someone the parent knew and trusted, what are some signs parents should look out for?
Most parents refuse to believe that a close friend, neighbor or teacher could hurt their child. Many times we see a person spending most of their time with the child, showing an unnatural interest and devoting much of their time to them. We often see signs such as participating in every aspect of the child’s life, constant gift giving, surprise little trips, and wanting to hang with the child in a childlike atmosphere, i.e. an arcade, amusement park, movies, etc. Be mindful of how interested that person is in your child, and don’t be afraid to question their motives.
I watched a video that had young victims saying how first their attacker had them do something like drink alcohol so they feared their parents being told of THAT, so they wouldn’t tell their parents of the attack. Also, the threat the attacker made, “If you tell anyone, I will hurt your family.” How can you explain to your children to still come to you?
For the reasons that you mentioned, specifically a threat against the family is a huge factor in kids not disclosing the abuse. That is why when discussing sexual abuse with your children you must include in your conversation all of the tactics that an abuser might use. Tell your kids that the abuser might threaten them; explain that this is just a way for them to keep the secret because they know that if you tell they
