Tooth Fairy Basics for Children

hogfather5In every house there is a sacred trust regarding the tooth fairy and tooth economics. In our house, there is a certain mythos. There is a whole economical understanding that teeth are full of magic, and only those who understand the economics of teeth can get the most from the tooth fairy.

Innate Magics

What every child must understand going into a financial exchange with Tooth Fairy, Inc. is that every tooth is not in fact, the ‘thing’ the Fairy purchases. The tooth, while shiny and sharp, rather is the fruit from which magics are extracted.

That magic is the fuel of the fairy world and as such, the more fuel a tooth contains the more the tooth is worth. For example, a tooth that is loose and pulled early in an attempt to get money from the Fairy as soon as possible, will not have a full amount of magic. Therefore, the tooth is simply not worth as much and the exchange rate will, possibly, be quite low. Even if much blood was shed in the pulling.

However, a tooth that is allowed to fully mature through every painful wiggle, every painful pull, and down to the last tiny bit of a thread hanging on will doubtless, be completely full to the top of magics. Therefore, upon entering into a financial discussion the Fairy will be much more likely to offer a higher rate of exchange.

The Tooth Market

The Tooth Fairy Corporation [Tooth Fairy, Inc.] is a world wide organization. In some countries magic is worth more or available in higher quantities. Thus, what one child in western United States gets for a tooth may not be the same as what a child in the eastern United States may receive.

Understanding this is an important part of a child’s economic training as varying prices are doubtless bound to engender questions such as “Why did Timmy get $5 and I only got $.25?” If a child is not fully educated to the economics that govern such prices, sadness and anger creep in.

Unfortunately, such attitudes are elementally linked to the magic growing in remaining teeth. Thus, when you are in such sad straights, the magic in your remaining teeth is not growing as could be hoped for. Bringing down the value of all future sales. Therefore, it is every parent’s duty to make sure children in question are fully informed about the potential dangers of beggaring themselves with such attitudes.

Exchange Process

When a tooth is lost, and for our purposes we will assume it is at its full magical worth, there is a process that must be undergone with exacting precision to facilitate the best possible price from the Fairy sent to collect. First, each extracted tooth must be carefully washed with cold water. If you use hot water, you run the risk of damaging the magic, thus lowering the exchange rate.

Next, the tooth must be placed into a hermetically sealed container as it is a biological specimen that must be transported great distances to the Fairy Processing Plant or FPP. This sealing can sometimes be mistaken for a Ziploc baggy, but often times the mistaken identity allows for the tooth to escape the prying eyes of would be robbers looking to collect the high value tooth for their own exchanges. triangle of life

Once the bag is properly sealed, the tooth must then be placed in the triangle of life area next to and barely under the outside edge of the  pillow on the child’s bed. This area is special because it allows the fairy, who is stated to be about six inches tall, to easily make the exchange.

Tooth Fairy, Inc. knows automatically when a tooth has been lost, so you must assume that they will be there that very evening to arrange for pickup and immediate magical extraction. Were they to wait until the following day, the magic would have quickly deteriorated. Thus, the tooth would lose value.

It is for this very reason that if you miss an exchange on the evening of tooth loss, you may find a message from the Fairy which informs you of their next attempted pickup date. Various dates may be offered, but the tiny writing leaves experts to believe that you have only two chances to make the assignation before losing the value of the tooth completely.

For your sake, we advise writing a note of explanation and leaving it in place of the tooth if for any reason you will not be able to make the exchange.

 

Magical Extraction

Many children are curious about the valuation process which occurs at time of tooth pickup as well as the process by which the magic is extracted. Much of the process is easily explainable in Tooth Fairy Economics but some of the finer points are, understandably, trade secrets that cannot be casually explained or discussed.

When the tooth fairy first arrives to the child’s home, they must enter via a door or easily accessible window. It is for this reason that parents must encourage a clear area around the bed and or a cleared walkway from room door to bed. We highly encourage children to maintain tidy rooms as this avoids the problem all together, but if push comes to shove a basic and clear path will suffice.

Tooth Fairies have a strict security protocol which means that any exchange can only occur when the child is asleep. This is Fairy-ly standard as Saint Nick rigorously applies this same protocol every Christmas, and the same again for the Easter Bunny at Easter. Therefore, should the child fail to be asleep at the time of the Exchange Fairy’s [EF] arrival, the tooth weighing cannot occur.

However, should all proceed as planned and the child is asleep, the next step in the process can be fully carried out. Namely, the weighing, measuring, and valuation of the tooth’s magical properties. The smaller the tooth the less the EF’s magic scales will calculate for magical quantity. That is to say, if a tooth is small, when the Fairy weighs and measures it, the amount of mass of magic will be much less than if the tooth is a fully developed molar.

Molars, it is said, contain almost 12.3 MG or Magical Granules. These are blue orbs which can only be seen under the microscope of a very powerful magician. If you let the granules out, by say breaking open the tooth, you will not see the granules escape. Rather, they tend to effervesce immediately into the atmosphere and are quickly absorbed by surrounding objects. Smaller teeth can average between 2.3 and 4.5 MG and Medium teeth can bring anywhere from 4.6 to 12.2 MG.

Tooth Brushing is of utmost import for a high quality Magical Granule Measurement. Teeth in bad condition tend to allow the escape of the growing magic, leaving the value of exchange quite low.

 

Once the Exchange Fairy has determined the proper assortment of the tooth, checked the enamel for cracks [which is why you must brush every night and care well for your teeth], and evaluated the amount of MG the tooth carries, a table of Rate of Exchange will be consulted. As mentioned above, this varies from area to area and has been heard to fluctuate from between 5 cents to over 10 dollars in the United States. Rates vary in Canada and Europe.

After the EF has determined the amount of money the tooth is due [leaving the tooth under your pillow is considered tacit agreement to the Fairy’s determination of the tooth’s value], the tooth is put into the EF’s satchel and the small winged creature begins its trek to the nearest Magical Extraction Facility. At these facilities, piles of teeth [see image above] can be found. The teeth are cracked open, after being thoroughly washed and purified of biological material, while in a magical clean room. This ensures that not a single MG is lost.

The Magic Granules are then collected using a Magilliscope which allows the location and transportation of  MG into the MG pipelines which run across the globe. Tooth Fairy, Inc. assures us that there has never been a break in these pipelines and spills not expected in the near future. From these pipelines, all magical creatures draw their magic and it is through this process that Christmas, Easter, and similar holidays continue to grow and flourish.

If you find yourself dealing with a possible Tooth Fairy emulator attempting to defraud the magical exchange system, please report the person at once. Tooth Fairy, Inc. takes these reports seriously and will move to have the Fairy Police remove said miscreant at once.

We hope you found this article about Basic Tooth Fairy Economics valuable. If you did, please share it and pass it along so that children everywhere can benefit.

  Images Courtesy of The Hogfather and Amerrescue.org

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