Top 16 Reasons Why I'm SOOO EFFING READY FOR SCHOOL TO BE DONE

Remember how at the end of summer last year the internet almost imploded on itself because of the billions of articles and blog-posts written by stay-at-home-moms who were practically having an orgasm over how delighted they were for their kids to finally be going back to school? I was quite perplexed by all the glee. Am I seriously the only mom who thinks summertime is significantly less sucky than school-time? 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally on-board the “kids are annoying as hell” train, but let’s all simmer down and cultivate a little perspective, alrighty? Summertime really is wayyy better than school-time, and I personally can’t wait for it to start! Here are my top 16 reasons why:

 1. I finally get to sleep in a little (or a lot – thanks, Disney channel!), and I don’t have to drag my snarling, foaming-at-the-mouth demon-spawn out of bed either.

2. I no longer have to scream at my eight-year-old 10 billion times to stop singing “Let it Go” at himself in the mirror and hurry up and brush his freakin’ teeth already.

3. I don’t have to pack my son’s lunch before I’ve even had a cup of coffee.

4. We can stay in our pajamas all day if we want to.

5. There are no more morning temper-tantrums about clothes that “rub me” or “feel weird.” Wear whateverthefrick you want, kids. Yay!!!

6. Flip-flops.

7. There’s nowhere we absolutely HAVE to be. Sure, I signed the kids up for gymnastics, but it’s not like school; children’s services is not going to stop by if I don’t show up for two weeks in a row.

8. No more dealing with dick-wad parents who think they’re too good to abide by car-loop procedures.

9. No more battling over homework.

10. No more contemplating throwing myself in front of a bus over school projects like this:

 

Those cotton ball clouds almost gave me an aneurism.  

Or this:

Each of those paragraphs took off approximately one year of my life. 

Or this beauty here, the highlight of our year:  

 

It's supposed to be a totem pole.

11. Swimming. Okay, my four-year-old can’t swim yet and I know going swimming with a kid who can’t swim yet sucks huge donkey-balls, but getting her some water-wings and paying attention for a few minutes isn’t gonna kill me. And it’s still considerably less painful than having to fake being proud of the clay penis my son molded in social studies.

12. No more teacher’s conferences where my kid’s teacher politely implies maybe he should be medicated for his ADHD.

13. No more annoying fundraisers. Like I really wanted to buy giant tubs of cookie-dough to store in my freezer right after the holidays? HELLO, I already feel fat. And by the way, everyfreakingperson I know did all the same exact fundraisers we did. Who the heck was I supposed to sell that stuff to???

14. Now that my eight-year-old is home, my four-year-old finally has someone to play with besides me. Thank Goddddddddddddddd.

15. No more after-school scurrying all over town to extracurricular activities and rushing home to cook a crap dinner because there’s no time or mental energy to put into making something nutritious.

16. I can let my kids stay up later so they can do important stuff like walk on my back, brush my hair or watch Disney movies and eat popcorn with me.

These are only a few reasons why summertime is better than school-time. I bet you can come up with some of your own if you try hard enough! We all know kids can be as irritating as a chimp on crack when they're up in our business all day long without a moment's reprieve, but let’s be honest, fellow stay-at-home-moms. School is definitely worse. 

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