Top Ten Things That Make Me Say, “Yep, I'm A Mom.”

On my journey to motherhood, my children have taught me that being a mom is about giving up the control, as in the "control freak," it's about making a ridiculous fool out of myself all in the name of diffusing a toddler tantrum with laughter, and more importantly it's taught me to go with the flow or the tiny people will take you down - and while you're down they will climb on you, sit on your head and poop their diaper. I wish this was just me taking creative license...

 

But most of all they have taught me that laughter everyday is necessary in order to survive life. It's the one thing that is going to pull you through those tough times even if you are laughing through the tears, you're still laughing and that's not only good for the soul, it's good for the abs.

 

Here are my top ten things that make me say, "Yep, I'm a mom."

 

1. I have lied about being constipated to buy me five more minutes alone.  

 

2. I have dropped to the floor and army crawled out the door in order to not make eye contact with a groggy baby.

 

3. I have often wondered how fast the effects of a fully caffeinated, full fat, quad shot, venti caramel macchiato and a dark chocolate-chocolate chip molten chocolate lava cake will exit my breast milk. Who doesn't like warm coco?

 

4. I have lied about having a stuffy nose because in my house whoever smells it, changes it.   

 

5. I have buttoned a sweater, made a sandwich, fastened a bicycle helmut and typed an article all with one hand. 

 

6.  I have left the house without a diaper, extra change of clothes and the “poopy clothes bag” because I was going to be “real quick” - and I got burned. 

 

7. I have lied about needing to change an explosive poopy diaper to telemarketers, door-to-door solicitors and grocery store petitioners more times than I can count.

 

8. I have gone along with an old lady at the store who thought my 8 month old baby boy was a girl because I didn't feel like explaining why he was wearing a necklace (Baltic Amber), sitting in a pink shopping cart cover and had on his sisters hand-me-down jammies that said, "Daddy's Girl."

 

9. I have changed an out-the-leg-holes-up-the-back poopy diaper in the airplane seat next to me in the time it took that guy to pee.

 

BTW, Did I mention that I have really poopy babies?

 

10. I have breastfed my children in public...without a cover. 

 

P.S. The only babies who will actually keep a cover over their head while dealing with the distractions of breastfeeding in public are teeny tiny infants or those who are asleep.  Otherwise it becomes a "toy" and the fact that you are now in a wrestling match with a baby latched to your breast so you can keep a cover over his head to cover the breast that his head is...um...covering is drawing way more attention to the fact that you have an exposed breast under there than if you were just holding him naturally and letting him watch the birds and nurse in peace without getting all sweaty and crazy-like-a-caged-man-after-a-bar-fight-crazy.  No one wants to sweat while they eat.  Even the people who like hot yoga. 

 

Time to fess up ladies, what's on your top ten?

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