Hi,
My son is extremely disrespectful to me, his mom. He readily admits he has no respect for me. I have been the best mother I could be.

He is also an Honor student who is very responsible in doing his h/work, getting to the bus on time, etc. There are NO problems with academics whatsoever. It's primarily his behavior towards ME that is the problem.

Everyone in the outside world whom meets my son, has nothing but nice things to say about him and how nice of a person he is.....just as a sidenote.

He finds every chance he can to pick a fight with me. He instigates until a normal conversation about how it's a beautiful day-turns into a debate then a full-blown controversy and then full-blown fight. He seems to strive to HURT me every chance he can.

He does have his very nice and good days-and when they happen, I am very appreciative.

He aims below the belt and tries his hardest to intimidate me. He then calls his father whom we separated when son was 18mo old...and bashes me on the phone to the dad, saying awful things and lies to help his cause-in his locked room-for me to hear and the father I am sure readily agrees with my son.

Sometimes he gets violent and hits things in his room with the door shut.
My husband is a police officer. My son never/rarely behaves like this when my husband is home.

It's time to call for tough love. Can some of you give me some tips on appropriate tough love? Do I cut off my son in that he will get no more 'niceties' from me, like rides, $, favors, special hot cookies at night as a snack....etc? Where do you draw the line as far as if the situation is a 'tough love' situation?

Last night after one of his temper flares/outbursts of anger to me, I made him the normal 3 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for him to eat today before his Freshman FB game so he'd have some protein/energy for the game.

Well, when I spoke with my counselor briefly on the phone today, she said 'NO way, why did you make him those sandwiches when he can do it himself and after he treated you that way?? You need to use tough love!!' That's what she said to me. Honestly, I am confused. To me, making him the sandwiches are my job as his mother and one of the basic things that I am required to do for a kid of mine. This is where the tough love line is a little fuzzy to me....can someone clarify on how to tell if and when it's time to use TOUGH LOVE or not?

Thanks!