- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 0
- 37
-
Sparkle (4)
Recently I watched the first two episodes of Lifetime's new eating disorder reality show (yes, I really typed that) starring Tracey Gold called Starving Secrets. It's a subject I keep coming back to despite the ickiness of it, because only 30-40% of anorexics ever fully recover, and I did. I understand how hard it is to break the cycle. It's really important for that those of us who have done so talk about it, just so those still suffering know it is possible. And so, the show.
I really do want to like this show. I DVRed it but it took about a week before I watched the first episode. I was worried it would be like Dr. Phil, though I had high hopes because of the presence of former anorexic Tracey Gold.
After I tweeted about watching the show, I heard from Michelle Leath of unlockyourpossibility.com and michelleleath.com (her new bulimia blog), who is a recovered bulimic and a Certified Food Psychology Coach and life coach specializing in helping women create a healthy relationship with food and life.
I was eager to get another recovered woman's perspective. She had this to say (extended quote used with permission):
Although some may disagree with me, what I take issue with is not the exposure or the depiction of these women engaged in their (not so) private struggles. I actually felt a great deal of compassion for them, and I think its valuable for others to witness the pain and suffering that come with bulimia and anorexia. What really turned my stomach was the way these women were treated once they got into treatment!
Could there BE a more powerful reinforcement of the “There’s Something Wrong With You” message? All of the focus was on the idea that their behavior was bad, trying force them to stop, weighing and measuring and fat calipering them like animals.
Granted we didn’t see every therapy session, but did anyone ever stop to ask these women what their hopes and dreams were? Did anyone think to get curious about what these eating issues might be trying to tell them? To observe and question without judgment, rather than just forcefully split off the coping habit or prevent them from using it by placing them under constant supervision and scrutiny? Were they trying to teach them "willpower"?
This is what was true for me: I found that many of the aspects of traditional therapy failed to help me (sometimes worsened my habits, actually!) What you resist persists. When I accepted my eating problem rather than fought with it, when I was able to embrace it as a gift intended to free my spirit, I didn’t need any willpower. There was nothing to fight.
At the end of the episode, it appeared that both women had successfully completed treatment and were (finally) on their way to recovery. (Note, it was announced that both of these women had been in treatment numerous times.) In my opinion, there was something vital missing from the way they were "treated," and I’ll be curious to see how long their recovery lasts.
I recognized the behaviors of the anorexics more than the bulimics, though along my continuum of recovery from anorexia I became bulimic, though not severely bulimic, for a few years. I remember taking one bite of food and throwing the entire rest of the container away. I remember hoarding unopened food containers. I remember talking long walks or exercising excessively every time I ate. I remember not being able to focus at all unless I knew what I would be eating and when I would be exercising that day. I remember all of it.
On the bulimic side, I remember the anxiety behind keeping the food down as I taught myself not to puke after eating a big meal.
The biggest thing I've taken away from the show so far is gratitude that I didn't have a spouse or kids when I was going through my disorder. I appreciate the show shedding light on how much time people spend on their eating disorders -- hours and hours on exercise or eating rituals or finding a good place to purge. How connected the eating disorders are to the concept of punishing yourself. How scary it is to ignore the rules you have made for yourself about what and when you're allowed to eat.
The show is clearly a lightning rod.
