Transforming my wore out, fed up mommy attitude: 365 days of Thankfulness - Day 1

On a good day, I get a shower and my teeth brushed.  On an extremely good day, I get to change my clothes and do my hair too!  When did being a mommy mean losing yourself?  I am a mom to twin toddlers who are 23 months old, and a brand new 1 month old baby girl.  Yes, my life is pretty crazy and I am in high demand around my household.  Often days I rarely sit down, secretly wish I could change my name to something nobody knew, had a mute button on the crying and screaming, and am up to my elbows in poopy diapers.

To the curious reader, no my children were not planned so close together, but God designed my life to be a mom of multiples and a third child on the coat tails of the twins.  Over the past 2 years of mommyhood, I have found myself becomming increasingly stressed, irritable, and having an attitude of ungratitude.  It is quite simply affecting my marriage and my relationship with my kids.  I find that I check the clock all day just counting down the hours until it is the coveted "bath and bed" time.  And in the midst of all of this, I quietly sulk because I feel like my individualtiy and sense of self has diminished to the size of the squished up pea that is mashed all over my shirt.

Today, however, I woke up renewed with a sense of "can do" attitude.  I don't know where this came from other than it was God given.  I prayed last night, as I desperately cried to the Lord, that I would begin to be happy with my children and status of a Stay at Home Mom.  This morning, when I opened my bible, I stumbled upon the following verse: from Psalm 100:4 "Be thankful unto Him, and bless His name."  This led me to the following mission - to change my heart and attitude one day at a time, so that I can become a better wife, mom, and daughter of the King.  

Because I was awake most of the night with two of our screaming children, I chose to thank God for their lungs and vocals, rather than curse the situation of sleep deprivation.  And in the midst of trying to feed them breakfast and having said breakfast thrown back at me in an all out assalt from the twins, I chose to thank God for their tremendous will power.  Finally, when I opened the door to get the twins up from their nap, I was greeted with a daughter covered in her own poop from head to toe, for the third day in a row.  I chose to thank God for the fact that she has an immune system that is tough as nails and thank Him for the blessing of running water so that I could draw up a bath to rinse her off.  My choice today, was to turn every negative thought, feeling or emotion into thankfulness.  It wasn't easy and required some skill to retrain my brain not to complain or sulk.  But I think with constant effort and consistency, I can rewire my attitude over the next 365 days.

Today, I turned off the TV, turned on some soft music and engaged with my children.  I set aside the dishes, the vacuuming, the laundry and the various other chores, and simply engaged with them.  Thankfully, today has been much more pleasant than I anticipated.  I will live to clean another day!

I will close with my simple prayer.  "Lord, I am so thankful that I have healthy children with healthy lungs who exert the fullness of their capacity in the wee morning hours, for they remind me of the incredible miracle of life and that I was entrusted with these precious beings.Lord, I thank you for giving me the desires of my heart to become a mother. I thank you that you found me to be a capable steward of your most precious blessings. I bless my children and my day in your Holy name!"


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