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I'm the executive editor of BlogHer.com, a food and travel writer, obsessive reader and player of games -- and as of March 2011 a Jeopardy! champion...
 
 
 
 

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Triple Holiday Pie Fail! My Sad, Sad, Sad Thanksgiving Story

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Even with the best of plans and nearly a month of pie experience, this Thanksgiving proved to me that when it comes to pie, there's always an element of luck ...

Pie Fail #1: No Sugar, Sherlock

For my cranberry-walnut pie, I had to run to Trader Joe's to pick up the proper nuts and some sugar. I live around the corner from TJ's and am so used to dashing in and out of there that I plumb forgot what a madhouse it would be the day before Thanksgiving. The crowds! The frantic stuffing snatches! The gridlock in the baking aisle! I felt lucky to have gotten out of there with my life.

It wasn't until late on Thanksgiving morning, when I was ready to assemble and bake my final pie, that I realized that the sugar never made it into my shopping basket. I had brown sugar, which would probably have worked, but I figured, "No problem. I've got two more excellent pies to bring, and I know there's waaaay too much dessert for everyone to eat anyway. I'll just skip this one, and work the cranberries into an Apple Pie Lab recipe later this weekend."

cranberries

Still waiting.

Little did I expect …

Pie Fail #2: Crustquake

The lemon-mascarpone pie was done. I made a little extra to whip up a sample pot pie that tasted fabulous. Perfectly crimped and golden brown, the crust was a stunner. Until I dropped it.

It just slipped out of my grasp, a mere two inches from hand to counter, and I swear to the pie gods I remember it in classic slow motion, going "Nooooooooooo." A mere two inches, and every single everloving crimp ended up in a shatter pattern out on the table and onto the floor. There was no time to remake a crust, and my creation -- while still damn tasty -- was no longer ready for prime time.

crust shards

The remains.

Sad but undaunted, I transferred my final pie from freezer to cooler, gently, gently. It looked amazing. It tasted amazing. It was amazing. Until …

Pie Fail #3: Freezermergency

When I made my Nutella pie this time, I decided to mix it up. I wanted to give it some extra dimension besides just Nutella and mascarpone, so I whipped a little crème fraiche in there as well. To compensate for the more liquid texture, I threw it into the freezer and it turned out awesome -- light and moussy, with a slight but intriguing tang. It even survived the drive over, swaddled in beach towels over ice in a cooler, intact.

Nutella pie

Looks good, no?

But. But. While chilly enough to keep the pie safe to eat, my cooler wasn't cold enough to keep the filling frozen -- and I hadn't realized that my mother-in-law's refrigerator-freezer was only seven inches wide. Too narrow for nine-inch pie. We sacrificed all the ice in the freezer to the cooler in a heroic effort to get it to set. No dice. That delicious choconutty filling was still shimmying all over the pie plate by the time dessert rolled around.

At that point, we were staring down an enormous spread of pastries and truffles and cookies and other pies with about an inch of room in our collective tummies. None of us was willing to scoop some shimmying choconutty goo into a bowl and call it pie. So we called it a night, and took the final pie home.

The Endgame

Well, besides the humble pie I had to eat when confessing to my family that after all my big talk, I had zero pies to bring to the table, I'm actually sitting pretty right now. The Nutella pie set right back up in the freezer and is ready to eat. The lemon pie filling got transferred into a new crust and is looking good. I have a weekend to invite some pals (and any family who feels like schlepping over to San Francisco) to sample my wares and boost my self-esteem.

And I learned a valuable lesson: Never mess with a recipe on a big day, even if you're positive that your new creation will turn out better than ever before. Your pie will humble you.

How did your holiday pie making go? Any stories to tell?

Have you seen all the pies I've blogged so far this month? I'm talking about pie every day in November at the Month of Pies archive.

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Lisa Morrow 5 pts

I tried to make a gluten-free pie crust the night before and it was terrible. I had high hopes of bringing an apple pie for my friend who was hosting, she has celiac disease. Well, the crust crumbled in tiny pieces and tasted like sand. We called it, dirty apple pie. Needless to say it never made it. I did have a hit with the salted caramel pumpkin pie you mentioned in one of your posts. It was delicious. Thank you for sharing so many great recipes.

Glad to hear you were able to still enjoy two of the pies.

Lisa Nicole Morrow

Smart Mamas Blog ( http://smartmamas.wordpress.com/ )

Julie Ross Godar 5 pts

I was fortunate to preserve some of my crust shards to place, um, decoratively on top of the pie and call it "deconstructed." Heh.

aka Honeybeast
Managing Editor, BlogHer

Julie Ross Godar 5 pts

I did that yesterday and am currently baking a pie with thicker slices to see if that changes things. My only complaint about yesterday's apple pie was that the fruit did turn out a little mushy because I sliced the apples about 1/8 inch thick. How thin do you slice?

aka Honeybeast
Managing Editor, BlogHer

Julie Ross Godar 5 pts

And it makes me realize something I have learned myself this month: I can cook savory food just fine under stress, in fact it is relaxing to me, but making pie when I'm in a hurry has turned out wrong every single time I've tried it. I think pie asks for time and flow. And counting your ingredients before you start ;)

JennaHatfield 9 pts

HA! Crustquake! YEAH!

Same thing over here.

I was set to take my cinnamon-free pumpkin pie to my mother-in-law's house for Thanksgiving. I realized as I went to bake it at 10pm on Turkey Day Eve that I didn't have evaporated milk. Gah. So I had to Google alternatives. I found one that would work. I went to get ready.

This is where I admit I was going to use a frozen pie crust because I was obviously behind on things.

And I dropped it getting it out of the freezer. SHATTERED. EVERYWHERE.

Sigh. I just DIDN'T have it in me -- after baking 70 cupcakes the previous Friday for the boys' Saturday birthday party -- to make a crust at 11pm. So, I chucked the idea.

I had NO pie on Thanksgiving because my grandmother-in-law refuses to make anything without cinnamon (pumpkin, apple, custard) and the other grandmother-in-law made chocolate pie (I don't like chocolate). Sigh.

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

Candelaria Silva 5 pts

I made my delicious apple pie ensuring that it would be delicious by slicing the apples really thin. It's what my husband likes and I don't experiment on a holiday with this tried and true recipe.
For the first time, I made my sweet potato pies two days early. I find that when I'm frazzled, I can't bake, so making those pies and the cornbread for stuffing two days early, really helped. Then I devoted the next night to the collard greens. Anyhow, you have my sympathy. You still had a great experience and a delicious pie the day after.

http://blog.candelariasilva.com ( http://blog.candelarisilva.com/ )

Good and plenty!

Nobody wants to be Ethel 5 pts

I made a standard cherry pie from store bought filling and crust. It was okay. But reading your pie failures brought back the memory of Thanksgiving about 8 years ago when I had an urgent surgery the week before. Mom's from our children's grade school brought enough food for us to get through Thanksgiving but I wanted to make pumpkin pie. Needless to say I forgot the sugar and didn't remember until it came out of the oven that it was missing. My husband told me to sit down. We threw that pie out, started over. My husband made it - with sugar.

Patty

Kalyn Denny 5 pts

However, I've made maybe (maybe!) 3 pies in my whole life, so even with these mishaps, I'm pretty impressed!

Kalyn Denny Kalyn's Kitchen ( http://kalynskitchen.blogspot.com )