Twenty-One Greeting Cards I’ve Written in My Head
By Ericka Clay on October 17, 2012
- It’s okay. Don’t feel bad. That sweater looked horrible on you anyways.
- Your cat doesn’t love you as much as you think he does. Haha, I’m just kidding. Keep dressing him up in clothes. He likes that.
- You woke up today. High five!
- So you failed math. You’ll probably end up working for your parents or at least sleeping on their couch anyways. Probably both...Happy Valentine’s Day!
- Congrats on getting your period! Are you in for a wild ride!
- I’m not sure I liked your tone the last time we talked. I would like my waffle iron back.
- Dear Mom, shorts really aren’t your thing.
- Thank you for spending seventy-five minutes showing me your model train collection in your basement. I liked the sound the bells made. I also like how you refuse to upgrade the single light bulb hanging down from the ceiling. Keeping it real.
- I’m not sure I liked your tone in the coffee shop. I want that stick of gum back.
- You cut your hair. Neat.
- Your lower back tattoo is no cause for my concern. I’ve learned that now, and I’m sorry.
- Congrats on getting married! Hope you like the Skecher Shape Ups I sent!
- Another baby. Well, if you’re okay with that then I guess I am, too.
- I’m sorry I said your baby looked like a shrunken version of Alf. I seriously meant it as a compliment.
- Happy birthday! I hope you like figs!
- Happy anniversary. If things go south, my offer still stands.
- Hope you enjoy your new house! I left a basket full of kittens on the back porch. You
- should probably go check on them.
- Ah, graduation. I’ll just sit here on your parents' couch and wait four years for your return.
- Glad you enjoyed your bachelor party! Sorry about the cream cheese incident!
- Happy Mother’s Day! Here’s a mop.
- Thank you for mending my pants. I’m not even sure how that donkey got into my Taurus.
*Let it be known that #7 wasn’t written to my own mother. She has fantastic legs that I've been fortunate enough to inherit. Now hand me that tub of butter so I can grease on these jeans.
If you wrote a greeting card what would it say?