Bio
Rita Arens authors Surrender, Dorothy and Surrender, Dorothy: Reviews. She is BlogHer.com's senior editor.  Her parenting anthology and BlogHer'...
 
 
 
 

Most Popular

Twitter or Facebook: Which Is More Intimate?

  • Share This Post
  • Pin It
  • 39
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

Rita Arens on Facebook

I use Twitter. I use Facebook. My Twitter pushes to my Facebook. My blog pushes to my Facebook. I thought about having my blog push to my Twitter, which could then push to my Facebook, but really, it almost seemed like a conflict of interest. If I wanted to, I could push my blog to my Facebook from my blogging platform.

I know for a fact there are people who follow me on Twitter who don't read my blog. There are people who read my blog in an actual browser who have never used Twitter. And then there is the Facebook crowd, who may or may not read my blog, because they reply to my tweets on Facebook and boy is that confusing.

I read it all in my e-mail.

I don't follow back automatically on Twitter. I have over 1,600 blogs in my feedreader, and if I followed that many people on Twitter, too, I'd have to move to my own apartment. I don't read status updates in Facebook, unless, of course, I follow that person on Twitter and it was originally a tweet and I just happened to be on Twitter at the time.

Before I left my corporate job, I remember my co-worker visibly recoiling when someone she didn't know followed her on Twitter. She was completely skeeved out that a stranger would violate her in this manner. I was shocked, as well, as I want as many complete strangers to follow me on Twitter as possible, because if they follow me, they might read my blog. My entire social media existence revolves around getting people to read my blog. I want them to read my blog so then they might buy my book. I am very single-minded in my strategy: I want to be a writer.

I like talking to my friends, but I also talk to them via that old-dog technology, e-mail. If Twitter and Facebook went the way of Lycos and NetZero, I would survive, because I still have my friends' e-mail addresses. The ones who blog put those e-mail addresses right there on their blogs. I admit it: I'm using social media as a syndication tool.

My co-worker friend? Was not. Hence, after I thought about it, I understood the skeeve factor. For the nonwriter, at least.

So I got to thinking about social media intimacy. Which is more intimate? A Twitter follower or a Facebook friend? To me, Facebook is more intimate, even though I almost never post anything directly on Facebook. Sound odd? Here's why: If someone wants to friend me, I have to accept or ignore his or her request. If they follow me on Twitter, I don't have to do anything. I've never blocked anyone on Twitter, but I have ignored and even unfriended people who started spamming me with plots of Farmville land the minute I accepted their requests. (I never accept virtual gifts. I hate that crap. I also hate Foursquare. I admit it.)

Rita's Criteria for Facebook Friends

  • Do I know this person?
  • Do I recognize this person's name, face or blog?
  • Did I go to high school with this person and she just changed her name and looks nothing like she used to?
  • Am I related to this person by blood or marriage?
  • How many mutual friends do we have?
  • Are those mutual friends in my inner circle?
  • Is this person a man I don't know who has nothing to do with social media?

In general, I don't friend men I either don't know or don't recognize their names, faces or blogs or see many mutual friends. Why? Well, for one thing, I'm married. It says it right there on my profile, but despite that, I once made the mistake of friending a strange man and having him immediately proposition me. Will I generalize the potential for that behavior to all strange men? YES. Also? My husband thinks Facebook is of the devil, so I don't want to give him any cause for concern. Because really? I value my husband's comfort and peace of mind more than I value yet another person-I-don't-really-know-but-we'll-pretend-is-my-friend-friend. Does that mean I'm discriminating on the basis of gender on Facebook? Yeah. Um. It does. But I'm telling you, it totally blows to get blindsided with a proposition on social media.

So there you have it. Probably explains why I have three times as many Twitter followers than Facebook friends, even though probably none of them read my blog.

Which do you think

  • 39
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

Comments

Post comment as twitter logo facebook logo
Sort: Newest | Oldest
FamilyFrugal 5 pts

to the letter. I could have written that word for word. Except I use networked blogs to feed my blog into facebook and twitter. But yeah, everything else?

Family Friendly Frugality ( http://www.familyfriendlyfrugality.com/ )-Want to learn about frugal living? 

A Southern Mom Loses Weight ( http://www.asouthernmom.com )-I will lose 100 lbs in 2011. Watch me.

snoopydogblog 5 pts

For me I use Facebook for people I know on my personal profile and not just that, it's usually only people I would be happy to send an email to out of the blue.

For Twitter it's anyone (apart from spammers!) and I'm loving making lots of new friends through Twitter.....

:)

Rita Arens 5 pts

I love the people who think a lot about what they are putting on Twitter. To some, it really is microblogging, almost satirical poetry. I hear what you are saying!

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

I'm noticing a trend in people who like to keep conversations together vs. people who like timeliness. I hear what you're saying about grouping the conversation. It would be nice to have a threaded aspect to Twitter.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

jazzzbaby 5 pts

Yes, Facebook is more intimate because you can corral your friends and family. This year I cancelled my social network pages on Myspace and Facebook. It was liberating and I really felt great afterwards, even though I was leaving behind all the news and updates on my friend's daily lives. I had become quite under stimulated by the daily chatter, and I was sensitive to how insincere & predictable people's comments were to one another. I'd begin to think I would prefer a telephone call rather than receive or give a quick, little message that we all seem to make on social networks in general these days. I wanted to give and have a more personal touch in my relationship with my friends.

So then discovered twitter once I got my iphone. I downloaded the app and started an account to see what it was all about. At first, I was not into it. I didn't get it. However, I kept at it and put away the notion that I was there to make friends. To be honest, I didn't really want to make friends. Which was why Twitter was perfect for me. With that ideal in mind, I ended up streamlining who I followed. It became fun to do this.

Now I get up to date events & news on what is happening locally & nationally. I follow people in Britain, and get my Great Britain fix for I am a great lover of the British. I have made acquaintances with some cool peeps from all over and even have twitter conversations with a Go-Go.

Twitter is not intimate, however it is way more mentally stimulating for me. This is just what I needed. There is a lot of humor on there as well. Most everyone I follow is not being a bore with what they ate that morning. They are expressing their opinions and most times they are light hearted.

I have turned my back on social networks such as facebook, but I am thankful for twitter. I learn something everyday there. That is really refreshing.

Vita lingus 5 pts

Yes indeed Rita, as i just said to Lisa Stone quality not quantity is what one needs.... As I said myself on Twitter less is best and Virginia is correct be clear about what ones main aim is with these tools Use social media methods with that in mind is best practice ...
Cheers and thanks for your discussion on the issue Rita

bagsnshoes2 5 pts

I think that Facebook is definitely more intimate. I am only just starting to somewhat appreciate twitter but I've built so many relationships on Facebook because it seems to promote conversation. It's difficult to actually carry on a real conversation with the followers on twitter since it is not all kept together.

I also get annoyed with Twitter because someone will say something interesting and you will respond only to find that the post was a scheduled post and you never seem to really ever hear from the person that posted it.

As far as friend requests vs. followers, I find its easier to accept friends on facebook as well & my criteria is not as stringent as many of the others here. As far as accepting male friends, I am pretty open minded but when propositioned (and it's happened a few times) I typically tell them I'm not interested & that FB is not the place for such things in my opinion. I do not have a relationship status listed because that's personal. One of the men I accepted as a friend became a blogging partner for a weight loss blog and we've been great friends ever since. He never got out of line (he's married)and even though he lives clear across the country, you'd have thought we were friends forever. We called it Coast to Coast Fitness Chronicles since I live in FL and he lives in CA.

So all in all, I'd say I definitely prefer Facebook.

www.sexybagsnshoes.com ( http://www.sexybagsnshoes.com )

Rita Arens 5 pts

But, of course, then it pushes to Facebook.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

I wish everyone had game friends. :)

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

Little tiny heads saying things. :)

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

beachgirlroxy 5 pts

I started on facebook long ago and use that to talk to friends and family. I have had the pleasure of getting to know the adult version of people I went to high school with. For me Facebook is personal and typically I have to know you to accept a friend request.

I also have a facebook page for my blog that the feed automatically gets posted. My facebook friends who read my blog are who mostly are on that.

Then there is Twitter. I utilize it to talk to other bloggers and get updates and specials from local company's. For the most part I don't know any of these people in real life. Many I have met at a local social media event but that's it. I have my blog pushed to Twitter but Twitter is not pushed to facebook. Twitter is a more acceptable place, in my opinion, to talk about anything on your mind at that moment. At times I say more to Twitter than Facebook.

Visit my blog:  Just Roxy ( http://blog.justroxy.com )

amadisonmom 5 pts

I think I tend to think Facebook is more intimate. I think it's because I have more real life friends on Facebook. People I see during the week. People I wish I could see more often. People who actually have met me and know me in person. Not that I don't also have a ton of blog friends on facebook as well. But... I like to think I know those facebook blog friends well enough to have a chat if we happen to run into each other at a coffee shop.

Twitter... I have no idea who some of those people are. I can't read all of their blogs. I'm not quite sure how all of them found me. I probably know about 5 of them as real life non-internet friends.

A lot of the facebook friends are on twitter... a lot of the twitter followers are on facebook. The 2 are connected in a lot of ways. I still can't give up either one though.

And... I'm so glad I never bombarded you with game things on facebook. (Although I really dislike farmville myself.) I try to keep games just with "game friends"... which is a whole other category of friends. lol I'm very happy to have you as a friend there.
: )

Mamma Mia 5 pts

"I AM a writer today!"

Mamma Mia aka Tove Cecilie Fasting is a writer and runs a small hotel in a village in northern Greece.

My Fabulous Life in Greece ( http://myfabulouslifeingreece.kairos-holidays.com )

Bryony Boxer 5 pts

Twitter just feels faceless.

--

Bryony Boxer

The Baby Bunch ( http://www.babybunch.com/ )

Rita Arens 5 pts

I wake up every day thinking, "I really want to be a writer today." :)

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

At some point, you don't want to see your co-workers at their worst. It's hard to forget.

And I certainly don't want them seeing ME at my worst!

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

I'd probably think Facebook felt more intimate if I actually posted much directly there. I spend way more time in Twitter, but yet I don't feel it's particularly intimate unless I'm talking "to" someone. And then I always wonder why I am not just e-mailing that person.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

How do you separate people who want to actually talk to you vs. people who just want to read what you wrote? Sometimes blogs are the most clear-cut. Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

I feel sort of the same about both Twitter and Facebook -- I read a little of the stream when I log in and when I need to take a five-minute break, but I never read everything everyone says, or I would never do anything else. It can be extremely overwhelming.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

"What is so grand is that it can become whatever we or it wants it to be."Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

I really hate the word "followers." I wish social media would just call them what they are: readers.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

While I have some Facebook friends who I would call and cry on, that's not how I connect with them normally. But I know some people who use Facebook almost exclusively as a way to talk to friends and family, which is a totally different way of interacting than the way I use it.
Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

But you might be to them. Which is why it's all so confusing, right?

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Virginia DeBolt 5 pts

"I am very single-minded in my strategy: I want to be a writer." Rita, you are a writer. Keep writing.

Virginia DeBolt
Web Teacher ( http://www.webteacher.ws/ ) | First 50 Words ( http://first50.wordpress.com )

Bad Luck Detective 5 pts

I couldn't agree more. My facebook is for family and friends. Tweet is for everyone. Loved the blog!

feelingbeachie 5 pts

I think Facebook is way more intimate. I think I big part of it is because of the pictures. I only accept Facebook requests from people I actually know, many of whom are my real life friends. Also, I try not to accept friend requests from people I work with, unless they are on my team. Since I have a management position, I find it hard to read some status updates and not have it filter into daily life.

http://wwwfeelingbeachie.blogspot.com

annabellespeaks 5 pts

I think Twitter feels more intimate to me, but that's because I interact with people there and converse and joke around and what-not. My blog is syndicated into my Facebook account, as are my Goodreads reviews, but that's all. I sign into Facebook directly no more often than once a month or so to approve friend requests and such. I don't spend any time there. It's hard for something to feel intimate to me when I don't read/post anything there directly.

http://www.annabellespeaks.com/

http://twitter.com/AnnabelleSpeaks

Kalyn Denny 5 pts

I have a love-hate relationship with Twitter. I admit, I don't care how many people follow me, but on the other hand I love it when I can ask a question (usually food or technology related) and a lot of food bloggers will respond to me. And there is so much self promotion it feels like a lot of people shouting to be noticed at time.

I think Facebook is more fun (and more intimate) because the conversation stays in one place until you put something else there! People can reply and you can go back and add more thoughts.

I do have a dilemma sometimes on Facebook because quite a few people follow me personally when they are really just wanting to get the updates from the blog (but haven't found the KK Facebook page.) My rules are pretty similar to yours.

Kalyn Denny Kalyn's Kitchen ( http://kalynskitchen.blogspot.com )

sassymonkey 5 pts moderator

For a long, long time you could not find my real name on my blog. Nor could find any reference to my blog on Facebook. I kept the two very separate. Now you can find my real name on my blogs (and on BlogHer). You can find the odd reference to my blog on Facebook...if you really look. I still don't have it linked. I don't know if I ever will. Maybe.

My criteria for Facebook is basically that I have to know who you are and actually want to know what is going on in your life. If I don't know you? No thanks. If I knew you from elementary/junior/high school or university but haven't talked to you in 10 years and can't imagine why I would start now? No thanks. For a long time I wouldn't even add people I knew online.

By many people's standards I have a pretty small friend's list. I have just over 100 friends and I need to do some trimming. Some people have been on there for years and I've never had a single communication with them aside from the friend request.

It all sounds kind of mean doesn't it? But it's what I'm comfortable with on Facebook.

On Twitter I only block spammer and creepy people. I don't follow everyone who follows me to control the amount of noise. (I could make lists...I'm too lazy.)

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

MySkinConcierge 5 pts

I guess I feel closer to a section of both my Facebook and my Twitter friends.

I have people who are friends from High School etc. on Facebook that as of today I don't know the first thing about. Also I have Facebook friends that have met me at large expos. So as a blogger and writer (like you) I don't want to offend a reader or future reader.

Then I have my true love Twitter! These friends tend to have a closer passion about the same things that I love. Somehow Twitter does a better job at getting us together and keeping us there, while maintaining the passion. With my #SkincareSunday hashtag chats we have make us become closer and actually know what is happening in each other’s lives. Eventually I have emailed and met many of my Twitter friends at events and have chatted with some the phone, but we all know it is quicker and easier to just send a Tweet to each other.

I am excited to get to meet many of these friends at the Atlanta Day Spa Expo next week. So then they will probably become my Facebook friends and the pools will mix! This fall, I will get to meet @ArtofSpa too. Another that I really want to meet in person is Twitter pal @CandyDye on the West Coast. Without her help I would have not been able to keep things going while I was in The British Isles for a few weeks researching all types of international travel including Moms Travel with or without kids! Hey Moms, I know how to find a Coke in most any locale. My daughter and I shared so many wonderful smiles, when we found a nice cold Coke in a glass bottle! Funny thing is that the locales could not understand that we had no need for a glass or ice. They think Americans are obsessed with ice cubes or perhaps they perceive us as vulgar drinking from bottle!

This new Social Media thing is still evolving and what is so grand is that it can become whatever we or it wants to be. There is no master plan and that is what makes it so exciting.

OZinOC 5 pts

It really comes down to semantics for me - friends whether real or virtual are still friends, there is an implied relationship that is two-way. Followers are, well, just following (or largely not as I believe is the case on Twitter...). There is something about containing your thoughts and impressions to no more than 140 characters that says "be brief, I don't have a lot of time for this..."

Reflections and impressions from this Aussie behind the Orange Curtain...

Mamma Mia 5 pts

Twitter is not intimate enough for me. It feels a bit like talking only to yourself!

On the other hand, the intimacy of Facebook is what makes it such a fantastic fora for promoting my B&B in Greece, my Greek food website and my blog (they are all connected).

Many of my FB friends are people I don´t know - they have read my books about Greece, or like Greece or know someone I know. I accept almost all friend requests, male or female.

It´s the intimacy of FB that makes it possible for me to build relationship with potential guests - and even to stay in touch with former, satisfied guests (which is important, as I do want them to continue to recommend us). This is how our place is different from big chain hotels with staff without name. Our guests get to know us and it feels a bit like visiting your family in Greece.

Having said that, I don´t post anything private on FB. Though a few of my "real" friends are on FB, I don´t look upon my FB friends as friends, but as part of my network.

Mamma Mia aka Tove Cecilie Fasting is a writer and runs a small hotel in a village in northern Greece.

My Fabulous Life in Greece ( http://myfabulouslifeingreece.kairos-holidays.com )

Judy Schwartz Haley 5 pts

Facebook is definitely more intimate to me than Twitter. On facebook you connect by relationships as well as friends - I don't just mean that "it's complicated" option. My facebook page links directly to my mother's facebook page and it identifies her as my mother, same with my brothers. You can keep your facebook page semi-private (nothing online is totally private) where access is limited to those you select.

Tweets, on the other hand, are just out there. You're broadcasting to the world regardless of whether you have a couple thousand followers or just four.

Also, conversations develop on Facebook under the original update so they're kept together and not lost in a sea of other updates like on twitter

I have actually developed friendships on facebook, through friends of friends, but never on Twitter. There is a different feel between the two services - each has their own pros and cons and it seems everyone has a preference, using one more than the other.

I'll admit to feeling a little weird the first time a stranger followed me on Twitter, but I quickly shook it of realizing it was much like a stranger subscribing to my blog feed. But I don't accept friend requests from strangers in facebook, unless I already follow their blog - then their not really strangers anyway. or are they?

Judy Schwartz Haley is currently battling breast cancer while raising her toddler daughter. She is also a full time college student, as is her husband. It's a lot to juggle, and she blogs about it all at CoffeeJitters.net ( http://coffeejitters.net/blog ).

Rita Arens 5 pts

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 5 pts

I have a shockingly small amount of "real life" Facebook friends. There are people from high school and people from social media and maybe ten people from college. Most of my family and real life friends eschew all forms of social media. They think I am bizarre.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

JennaHatfield 6 pts

Facebook is more intimate to/for me. I also have to be careful what I do post on Facebook due to the friends, family, co-workers, social media intersection. Thankfully, FB has filters whereas Twitter does not. Unfortunately, my mom is now following me on twitter as well, which means I can't share some things there. Sad day.

I don't friend men I don't know on FB either. So on FB I have my male relatives, male firefighters from our department, male firefighters who have become regular commenters at Stop, Drop & Blog, male birth parents who have become regular commenters at Chronicles and some male blog friends. My husband knows 90% of them (online or off).

I also have friending criteria on FB, whereas I'm pretty lax on twitter (though I tend not to mutually follow males that I do not know at all due to personal issues). I also don't follow back any obvious spammers. My friending criteria mirrors yours, though I occasionally don't friend people I do know for various reasons. (Example: I friended a woman from my church because she's awesome. I did not friend her mother-in-law because I'm not in a place where I want her MIL, a somebody in my town, to know my business.)

And, anyway, I read your blog. (Though I can't always get my comments to work if I click through NetworkedBlogs anymore. I need to go straight there, I think.)

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

Gena Haskett 5 pts

It took a long time for me to warm up to Twitter but now it is essential. FB - meh, I just don't like it. Wished I waited to Google+ because I can separate the type of comments to those folks I want to communicate.

I am almost at the point of using Twitter to push folks to my blogs but my focus is on my blogs, then Twitter and if there is time the rest of the stuff. I am still confined by only having 24 hours in a day.