Have you been lucky enough to have that moment in your life when the most amazing and unexpected thing happens, when out of no where you meet someone and in that instant you know they are "the one?" Your eyes meet, your head starts swimming, your heart starts racing, you have to remind yourself to breathe, you can't remember your name...Then your inner dialog starts. She is flirting with me, right? I have to see her again. Get her phone number. Wait did she just ask me out for coffee? God, she's beautiful. Do I like coffee?

I don't know, I can't remember. She wants my number. What's my phone number?! Is it 49, no wait it's 74...

And that's that. In the blink of an eye your world has been turned upside down, and you know it will never be the same again. Yet somehow, in spite of your instantly love struck self, you manage to pull off enough conversation to exchange numbers and set up a date. You have a fantastic time together. You talk for hours. It's like you've known each other forever. You stay up into the early morning talking on the phone. You start spending all of your time together. You can't get enough of each other. You sacrifice sleep for lots and lots of sex. You've never felt like this before. You walk around in a love crazed haze, a constant state of giddiness. You think this is it. She's the one you want to be with, forever.

It is at this point, a few months into the new relationship, during the we're - so - in - love - we - can't - get - enough - of - each - other - we're - going - to - be - together - forever - we're - so - awesome - the - perfect - couple - she - has - no - faults - rose - colored - glasses phase, in which some lesbians get the urge to merge and decide it's U-Haul time. And when the intention to U-Haul is announced, all of the U-Hauling couples' friends start laying odds on how long it will be before they split up. That is not to say that some U-Haul couples don't make it, but the odds are not very good. We've all seen it happen. The passion that sparked in a flash and burned so intensely, seems to burn out just as quickly when faced with the ins and outs of day to life, and discovering your perfect girl is a slob, or an OCD neat freak, or just isn't all you thought she was, or really you don't have that much in common. Perhaps you've been there, done that, wouldn't do it again. Or, maybe you've been there, done that, still blissfully coupled 10 or 20 years later.

Since I had a difficult time finding good data on the longevity of U-Haul relationships, you could also read that as "out of practice at researching," I decided to do a little informal study. I posted a relationship survey on my blog, gaymo, and asked for responses in the comments section or via email. The findings were very interesting. Approximately 30% of respondents were in the early years, up to 3 years together, of long term relationship. Of those, half moved in together in fewer than 5 months of dating. Approximately 10% of the respondents were in the 3-10 year range, and only 1 out of the 3 dated longer than a year before marrying or moving in together. Approximately 60% of respondents were in relationships lasting more than 10 years, and of those all but one couple dated for one year or more. The one couple who did not date for a year, dated for 10 months before moving in together, and they married at month 11. Also, I happen to know this couple, and I know that they had been friends for 9 or 10 years before they dated, so it would seem they started off ahead of the game.

As for where I fit into my survey, my partner and I dated for more than 3 years before we merged and moved in together. We've now been together for 15 years, and I'm still crazy about her. I knew pretty much from the beginning that she was it for me, but I wasn't in any hurry. I was only 21, she was 20, and we were still in college when we started dating. We had our whole lives ahead of us. We wanted to be sure we really got to know each other, that we truly enjoyed each others company, that we had similar values, that we had similar goals in life, and that we didn't meet the other's deal breakers. And why not enjoy getting to know one another without the stresses of living together. I didn't want to rush to meet the end too soon, to quote The Cure. I wanted to be as sure as I could that this would last. We are in it for the long haul.

I found it interesting that more than half of the couples who responded had been together for more than 10 years, and that none of them U-Hauled. So, maybe there is something to be said for not jumping in too quickly. I found it odd though, and I'm not sure why there weren't more couples who fell into the middle range, 3-10 years. Studies show that there is a dip in marital satisfaction after the first 4 years and again around the beginning of the 8th, or some would say the 7 year itch. And according to the US census bureau first marriages which end in divorce last, on average, 8 years. So my best explanation, the couples in that range are less satisfied or struggling in their relationships and are therefore less likely to participate in a relationship survey. Or, my sample size is too small, not random, not controlled, and depends on having readers who will comment.

So just how have these couples lasted, and not just lasted but are truly happy? One of my survey questions asked what was the key to maintaining a happy relationship. Almost everyone's first answer was communication. Followed by, honesty, understanding, sense of humor, putting the other first, intimacy. I would agree with all of those things. I also believe that not rushing into too much too fast, getting to know one another, and building a friendship are key. And I think it's quite important to first start off with someone who you really enjoy spending time with, cause you're going to have a lot of it. But mostly, listen to that little voice, your Jiminy Cricket if you will. As cliche' as it may sound, when you meet the right person, you just know. And when you're with the wrong person, you know that too.

For other bloggers views and theories on the U-Haul Syndrome check out:
Lyndsey Darcangelo, who writes at Lez Keep It Real, The U-Haul Syndrome
becauseilive Lesbian U-Haul Syndrome
Paula the Surf Mom, who writes at Lesbiatopia, U-Haul Lesbians...don't be a cliche'
Lesberita, who writes at Lesbiatopia, Theories on the Lesbian U-Haul Phenomena