Did my husband really call me ugly during a heated disagreement? I know everyone gets angry and sometimes people say mean things. But this low blow is sure to leave an emotional scar that may never heal completely. It's hard to imagine any other marriage suffers from ugly ups and downs before the right communication happens. But people tell me all the time to take off my rose colored glasses. No marriage is perfect. 

But, still, when I see other people's happy engagements and marriages, I compare myself, and I feel like I'm failing miserably. YET Marriage is stretching me in ways I could never imagine.  And what is the hardest fact is that both my husband and I need to change - together. The commitment only works if we both try. One cannot check out and expect the other to do all the work. 

The challenge of marriage is communicating through differences. Arguments so benign  spark into existence and somehow spiral out of control into a full blown blaze. It's embarassing. You wish you could take back the tone, the reaction, the words you chose - and you cringe when you see your neighbors in case they overheard it. You wonder how many people look at you and think you have the perfect life. 

I know there's a lot of love. It's in the way our fingerls curl together when holding hands. It is the soft brush on the shoulder that brings comfort during the hustle of our busy day or night. It is the sincerity of a sorry after a painful agreement. It is the small things we do for each other to make each other's day easier. It's the small sacrifices. And one day, maybe that love will be expressed will an ugly insult left unsaid. Perhaps we will one day be wiser and choose to say sorry sooner. Hug quicker. Forgive small slights. ANd remember what a precious gift love is - to have love and to have somebody to love.  

-- Carrie Zing

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