The Ultimate Valentine’s Day Gift: Forgiveness
By Dr Noelle Nelson on February 03, 2014
What if you made this Valentine’s Day more than a day about hearts and flowers? What if you made this Valentine’s Day about expanding your love, taking it beyond whatever wonderfulness you now experience to something even more amazing?
It’s doable, you know. And all it takes is giving your beloved the ultimate gift: forgiveness.
Your sweetheart doesn’t have to have done anything awful for you to give him or her forgiveness. Certainly, you can work on forgiving big things, but what I’m referring to here are the petty annoyances, the minor differences, the repetitious arguments we have about same-o same-o that never get resolved.
What if, this Valentine’s Day, you committed to letting go of those grievances? What if your gift to your beloved was “I will never bring up that dreadful situation with your ex again” or “I will erase from my memory the nasty fight we had last summer.”
Here’s the thing: the big things like infidelity or gambling away the family finances may blow up a relationship, and lead to its end, or to a reconstruction from the ground up. But it’s the little things that erode a relationship, that grind the love down until it’s little more than a memory.
The more you can experience whatever the upset is, hash it out, and then let it go, the better. The “let go” is the magic. It’s only when we re-hash, remember, and revisit an upset that love suffers.
Letting go takes self-discipline and effort. It’s easier to dip into the comfort of self-pity by playing your ‘woe-is-me’ tape of that argument where he/she was so mean to you. Resist. Remind yourself of the choice you are making--because it always is a choice. That you are choosing to grow your love, not quash it. To nurture the good feelings between you and your sweetheart, not harden your heart.
Be daring. Give your beloved more than the romantic evening, the box of chocolates or bottle of champagne. Give something lasting. Give the ultimate gift: forgiveness.
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