The Unconventional Guide to Judging People
By frufrugal on March 27, 2014
What does judge mean? “Judge: verb (used with object), judged, judg·ing. To form a judgment or opinion; decide upon critically. You can’t judge a book by its cover.” Often we try not to judge. This seems silly when we encourage our children to use their critical thinking skills in decision making. In other words, judging people, places and things is a necessary part of life.
For example, your youngest son plans to get married to a girl he has been dating for three months. It is necessary for him to use good judgment and rationalize through the situation. Is she looking for a way out of her parent’s home? Is she stable? Does she pull toilet paper from the top or bottom?
Follow these fail proof guidelines, where using good judgment just might be okay. Mom approved.
Before you spout off, remember what your Momma said
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. This includes the judging thoughts that go on inside your head. Manage them. Out with the negativity and in with the civility. When you start to feel you are expressing your opinion more than you are listening, you are judging too much. Go sit down and be quiet.
Simmer down and take a look in the mirror
Every day when you roll out of the house, you are not perfect. Neither is anybody else. Stop taking each single moment you interact with someone to be who they are every other day of the week. For example, you see a father getting agitated with his kid at Costco. While observing him you take mental notes. Later, you mock him in a blog post gloating about how great of a parent you are to boost your traffic. Pretty gross. Instead judge him as being a parent who needs a break. Offer a distraction with conversation. Diffuse the situation. Be more helpful. Like Vancouver's JACK FM Deejay Tara Jean.
Tara Jean posted about an experience at the indoor playground. She watched after another mother's child while she slept. As she wrote on Facebook, "Less Judging, More Helping." I could not agree more.
Don’t talk to strangers; talk to your mom about politics
This includes religion and so on. Why? Cause unless you like drama, nobody cares. Do them a favor and save the banter for your mom. She’ll be happy you called to talk to her. It makes for a more harmonious environment, especially if you ride public transit. Then you’re less likely to judge that stranger for their political or religious affiliations. This is huge for people who have a predisposition to dispense their opinion without anyone asking for it. Steer away from the rocks. Instead judge strangers for their effectiveness in communicating and pleasantness to be around. This applies to everyone, including you.
Don’t hang out with the wrong crowd
There are instigators who have made it their job to entrap you into their one-sided dialogue about every heated topic of the week. Government policies, legalization of pot, gay marriage and the list goes on and on. There is no way you will convince them to think otherwise. Save your energy, use good judgment and avoid them if you want to have a better day. If there is no way to avoid them, change the topic to puppies, unicorns or cupcakes.
Nobody made you do it
Boundaries and borders are great. Create them and stop being a people-pleaser. People who are unable to say "no" draw people like candles draw moths. Then you get judged the moment you say "no," and in your aggravation you judge them. Then you complain to your friends. This is a lose-lose-lose scenario. Say "no" more and mean it. At least when you are criticized, you will be a happier person who can sleep at night.