[Un]Father's Day

Dear Mr. C,

I had so many plans for today.  I was somehow thinking in my deepest of dreams that we would be pregnant on this day; and I had lots of fun things whirling in my mind's eye for you.

But the truth of the matter is that, at this moment, on this most special day, we are no closer to being parents, and you are no closer to being a father, than we were last year or the year before.  I am so sorry for this.  No matter what anyone says, or what my head knows, it cannot take away the pain my heart feels for failing you.  It's my body that has the reproductive issues, not yours.  I will never, ever be able to say "sorry" enough.

All I can do today is try to look toward the future with some semblance of hope.  So, I am hoping and praying with all my might that next year will be the year that is finally different.  Next year, we won't feel so sad we can't go to church and we dread buying cards...  Next year, we'll either KNOW that a baby is on the way; or s/he will already be here.  I am sincerelyhoping and praying for that.

So, here's to the future...a future where I'll get to say this to you:


And it won't just be a dream....

All the Love in the World,



***Originally posted on my blog www.tolovearose.com. Visit me there to read more about our journey through infertility, adoption, and beyond.



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