The Uninvited

Recently I was picking up my daughter from one of her after school activites and another mother came up to me and asked "Are you going to so-and-so's birthday party?"

I glanced up and gave her a puzzled look then asked my daughter "Sweetie, did you get an invitation for so-and-so's birthday party?"  My daughter was cheerful and very matter of factly said "Nope.  I saw her giving out invitations but she didn't give me one."  She shrugged her shoulders and ran off chasing one of her friends to say goodbye.

I looked back at the other mom and said "Well, I guess not."

She was stunned, blinked and said "Well, that's not very nice.  Why wouldn't your daughter be invited?  I mean there are only like less than10 girls in the class.  And your daughter doesn't seem bothered by the fact that she was not invited."

I just replied, "Well, there seems to be a lot of "not nice" behavior going on in that classroom these days.  And this won't be the last time that there will be a party going on that she won't be invited to.  It's all a part of that painful part of growing up.  Better to get used to it while they are young."

Truth be told, my daughter has had a hard time learning and coping with the fact that you are not always going to be liked by everyone.  It is a difficult lesson to learn.  So we have been working on coping skills since the first grade.  She is now in third.

She tries so very hard to please everyone and be kind and she really tries to give people every reason to like her.  And despite her best efforts, at the end of the day, there will always be some kids who won't like her.  And there will be some kids that she won't like.  That's just life. 

My daugher asked me if next weekend we could spend some mommy and me time and maybe go to the nail salon and get pretty flowers painted on our toes, with the stipulation that the base toe polish color must be yellow or purple.  I said sure thing.  I found out that next weekend is the other girl's birthday party.

I am very proud my daughter (and maybe this may sound a bit selfish) that she would rather spend her time with me at the nail salon getting our toesies done rather than sulking about not being invited to a party with her other friends.



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