Unlearning The Kindergarten Lessons Of Life
Like almost every other woman I know, many of the lessons I've had to unlearn in life I first learned in kindergarten.
For example, I've had to break the habit of having cookies and a nap at 3 in the afternoon.
That's because as an adult I developed this fetish about wanting to hold a steady job and not take up so much physical space I need to be hauled around by a winch.
Lying down every day after a heavy sugar and carb intake can undermine a girl's ambitions as well as her ability to enter a room without turning sideways and breathing in.
After a certain age, I also had to learn to stop automatically holding the hand of the person walking next to me.
I discovered in my mid- to late 20s (I'm a slow learner) that the unoccupied hand belonging my "buddy" (or boyfriend, or first husband) was often furtively engaged in holding a miniature bottle of cinnamon schnapps, the keys to a vehicle he didn't own or the hand of another wide-eyed girl. (Sometimes all three. Remember: slow learner.)
Your Shameless Friend,