The upoar over doll dongs is making me nuts.

So apparently there’s an uproar on the interwebs this week regarding a boy doll with boy junk?  Really?  Is this an issue?  I had an anatomically correct boy doll back in the 70′s!  My baby Joey doll from All in The Family!  Remember him?  I loved that doll.

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So almost 40 years later..people are just discovering that dolls can have dongs?  And they’re all up in arms?  Over frigging what?  Some mothers are wigging out because little Suzy doesn’t need to know what “that” looks like.  Way to teach little Suzy early on that bodies are something to be ashamed of.  I was a girl in a family of girls.  No boys, no men in the house.  Not a wang in sight.  And did I end up a 6 year old drooling deviant?  Was I horrified?  Shocked?  Nope.

As a matter of fact, little Joey’s boy bits taught me a life-long lesson and saved him from a terrible fate that no doll deserves.  One weekend at our Dad’s house,  I had snagged some green Tic Tacs out of Dad’s jacket pocket and thoughtfully (I was the sweetest kid) shoved one in Joey’s mouth as well.  It went in his little ‘O’ shaped mouth and it got firmly and deeply stuck in his gullet.  I started freaking out.  (I also may not have been the brightest kid)  I started shrieking like Rosanne singing the national anthem.  He was choking!  Baby Joey was choking on Tic Tacs and was going to die!  I was inconsolable.  (According to my parents, I was also very dramatic.  I think they’re confusing me with my sister)

My father, ever the practical fellow, pried him out of my hysterical death-grip and walked into the kitchen as best as he could with me hanging screaming from his belt.  He opened a drawer and pulled out a turkey baster.  He put the basting end firmly on Joey’s junk, clapped the bulb of the baster hard with two hands and that Tic Tac SHOT out of his mouth, y’all!  Pinged right off the far wall…Joey was saved!  Huzzah, Daddy!  I’ve never touched a Tic Tac since.  If anything was going to put me in therapy it was Tic Tacs for putting the fear of choking on candy into me.  And the life-long lesson?  I never shoved a breath mint down either one of my infant’s gullets. Thanks, Joey.

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