The Upside of Infertility
Without a doubt, infertility is a condition that no one thinks will happen to her, and certainly, no one wants. Still it is a reality that many, many women - too many women - deal with for lots of different reasons. No one who has the diagnosis of infertility knows how long she will 'have' it. For some, it is easily treatable and remedied; for others, it is years and years. And years.
Being a newbie to fertility treatment (in 'treatment' for just a month now), I knew that I would need to start, on some level, dealing with this reality in my life. And I've been challenged to try to find 'positives' for this time in my life - to try to reframe this whole thing, realizing that God can make everything beautiful in its own time. Even this.
For one, this experience with infertility has gotten me writing again. As a high schooler, that was my dream. By the time I was in college as an English major - I was doing a LOT of writing - but not any kind of writing that I loved. Just papers. Somehow that seemed to suck the love of writing out of me, and by the time I was done, I was burnt out with writing.
And I always said I wouldn't write unless I felt like I had something to say. When people would ask, 'When are you going to write again?" I would say the same thing to them: when I had something to say.
I had sincerely thought that I really might never get into writing again, but once I miscarried, I finally had something to say. And the words came. It didn't necessarily matter if anyone was listening (of course, I hoped someone was) - but it just felt good to have the words coming again. Even as something so precious within me died, something else resurrected and came to life again.
So, while I've been blogging about lots of things, infertility included, a woman from a fertility organization happened upon my blog and liked my writing. In fact, she even approached me to see if I would be interested in being a contributing blogger on her website.
Wait - me?
As it turns out, yes. Me.
So , my first bit of 'published' writing is going live on their website Fertility Authority. I feel under-qualified in the fact that I'm a newbie writer and a newbie to the world of infertility. But somehow, the stars aligned, and I'll be writing for them about 2 times a month. That in itself is amazing to me - but if the article gets enough views, they even pay. Pay? Now, honestly - that is more than I would have ever thought possible.
So, would I say infertility is worth it for this opportunity? Heck, no. We all know that women in our position would auction off parts of their bodies if it would get them a pregnancy - and one that would stick.
But is this a silver lining in this infertility curse? Is this an up-side? Definitely. It's a little smattering of beauty in a very ugly scenario. And I'll take it. And what is more, if in some way my stories maybe can help and encourage someone else, well, then, that is even better than just 'getting my writing out there.'
Small as it is compared to the loss, it still is a ray of sunshine.
I don't know where this will go. It might be a total flop for me. But the opportunity feels like there is life inside of me again. Not the same life as when you are pregnant-life, but it feels good to feel excited. Writing has always done that for me, and I feel like I just got a little turbo-boost.
So if you feel so inclined, feel free to check out my first article 'From a New Member of 'Club Infertility'". :)
Even in loss, new life can begin.
PS -If you are struggling with infertility, their website has tremendous resources. I wish I had found them sooner!
[Photo Credit: Peter Craine, Wikipedia Commons]