BERNTHIS.COM

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  1. (VIDEO) Friday Night Social Club

    4/29/10 2:01pm by BERNTHIS.COM
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    Jessica Bern

    Do you ever hang out with these guys?  Read more >

  2. Terms of Service: These People Accidentally Sold Their Eternal Souls

    4/20/10 7:27am by BERNTHIS.COM
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    Devil

    Question: When was the last time you read more than "click here" on a terms of service contract before you actually accepted it? Never? Yeah, me either. Well, we are not alone. Fox News reports an April fool's joke by a British company called Gamestation giving it "a non transferable option to claim and for ever more, your immortal soul."  Read more >

  3. Ever Put BOTH Feet in your Mouth?

    4/15/09 10:28pm by BERNTHIS.COM
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    A couple of months ago, I went to my therapist's office but before I proceeded to bore him to death with my "issues", I decided to first use the restroom. For this, a key was required and so, as soon as I walked into the waiting area, I grabbed what I THOUGHT was the key to the LADIES room.  Read more >

  4. IS HE DEAD OR IS HE DEAD, DEAD?

    3/10/09 9:14am by BERNTHIS.COM
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    Growing up, every funeral I attended the deceased appeared in a closed coffin, more than likely wrapped in a shroud. That's because in the Jewish religion they believe that even in life, if your wore Issac Mizrahi made FOR TARGET while all your friends ran around in Prada made FOR PRADA, when it comes to death, everyone is equal, meaning, poor, like me.  Yay!  Finally!   Read more >

  5. I'm Sorry What's the Plan Now?

    2/22/09 3:39pm by BERNTHIS.COM
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    The fact that I'm not writing to you from my local BURN unit right now is a miracle. You see I put the oven on 425 degrees (I'm telling you "degrees" just in case you thought it was pounds) and walked away. After ten minutes, I opened the broiler because that is where the pan was and proceeded to use my bare hands to try and remove it from said broiler so that I might put it in the oven.  Read more >

  6. LOOKING AT MY OPTIONS....I'M NOT SURE I HAVE ANY

    2/9/09 10:30pm by BERNTHIS.COM
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    Yesterday, I was thinking  I've ruined my life  of maybe giving up acting. The problem is my work history is such that I don't have one tend to get discouraged that anyone out there would ever hire me. Nevertheless, I've put together a rough draft of my non-acting resume and would appreciate any feedback you might have as to how I might improve my chances for future employment.CHILDCARE-babysitter  September 8 (6pm) - September 8 (12am)  Read more >

  7. WOOF

    1/23/09 12:14pm by BERNTHIS.COM
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    I opened my mailbox today and found a letter addressed to Ms. Lucy Bern.  Read more >

  8. Let's See...How Do I Put This

    1/6/09 11:23pm by BERNTHIS.COM
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    I was in NYC for a week with Phoebe. Being a child from L.A., she wanted to take a taxi everywhere. Being an adult who spent her childhood in NYC, I told her to suck it up and walk.  She quickly adapted to the situation and as a small bribe thank you, I decided to buy her a treat.  We were passing by this one upscale French style restaurant/cafe and the desserts in the window looked amazing so in we walked.   Read more >

  9. GRRRRRR....D

    1/3/09 6:10pm by BERNTHIS.COM
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    Over the last few years, I've developed these white spots on my arms and legs.  When I pointed these out to my dermatologist he was very reassuring and told me:   DOCTOR: Welcome to getting old.   To which I responded:   JESSICA: Thanks f*@er  doc.  Read more >

  10. Dumb and Dumber and DUMBEST

    12/30/08 11:15am by BERNTHIS.COM
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    The following is a  conversation held in a Borders Bookstore in Hollywood, California.  CUSTOMER: (girl, late 20's):  Can you help me?  I'm looking for this book written by Oprah.  Read more >

Jessica Bern

Full Name
Jessica Bern
Member Since
October 2007
About Me: 

Jessica is the creator of a web based comedy series called BERNTHIS.COM. It is about a woman's journey through her weekly visits to her therapist's office. Jessica is a former stand up comic and has been in over three dozen national commercials. She was a spokesperson for Wendy's, Amana and ACS Wireless.  is a single mom of a six old girl and prays daily to get back home to NYC or a date, whichever would be fine thank you. 

About Me Tags: 

blogher,blogher,single mother,divorce,dating,sex,health,working out,gym,daughter

 

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