Clarissa yourejustadumbass

I’m a researcher, scientist and clinician with 15 years of experience in mental health, behavioral science, and public health.  I created this blog, originally, as a conversation to myself about my experiences with suboptimal relationships. Sometimes it is what I have said to myself; other times it is what I have said about someone else. Regardless of what perspective it was from, it is always from a place of evolution and empowerment.

A note on tone: sometimes my voice will seem angry, direct, brutal blunt force honest, but always with optimistic intent and always positive. Ultimately, you have to laugh at yourself.

I have structured this blog in several ways: 1) my direct experiences which will be categorized by degree of adventure, 2) lessons learned, 3) relationship tips, and 4) open dialogue. I invite you to tell me off, advise me, support me, and/or ask any questions you have. I can assure you if I haven’t experienced it directly, I have experienced it through clients.

Thanks for visiting! Hope you enjoyed it (not in the orgasm way, but in the laughing with me way)!

Anyone interested in anchoring for WISC TV?

This is an unusual post for me, but if there is someone reading this that this would be ideal for I didn't want her to miss out on an extraordinary opportunity. Since many times througout my career, I wished that social media would have existed. I thought I would share this.Award winning journalist and good friend of mine, Michelle Li, has recently joined Channel 300 WISC-TV and is searching for a morning anchor. ...more

Wow! I'm on a Times Square Jumbotron, baby!

Happy International Women's Day and Month!As a women of color and scientist, it is incredibly exciting for me to see the technological and scientific advances in society and to see so many women who want to pursue a career in STEM. Please encourage, support, or mentor women in "non-traditional" careers till we no longer call it nontraditional.If anyone would have asked me "do you think you will be on a Times Square jumbotron and sharing techniques that you developed on open public platforms?" ...more

Wow! I won #1 Best Adult Dating Blog!!!

What an extraordinary honor of being placed as the #1 Best Adult Dating Blog Award from Great Dating Blog! I want to thank all of you who voted for me! I really appreciate it! I am so glad that people find my blog useful, practical, and worthy of being #1 out of so many excellent bloggers!...more

Domestic Violence Awareness: My Story

This is extremely difficult to write, but I think my experience may help others. This post is dedicated to my former self and to those that can relate to what I am writing. I hope this brings you strength and understanding.I am an interpersonal violence/domestic violence survivor. Let me explain what goes on in the mind of a someone who is the victim of someone using physical force to stop another from doing/saying something....more
Thank you so much Karen! I really appreciate your support! Have a great day!more

Top 10 things women should tell themselves

Contrary to what we are told and tell ourselves as women, we are really amazing. Think about all the things you manage in a day. Isn’t it really impressive? That’s how we are meant to see ourselves.Do people annoy you? Of course. Does life sometimes seem unfair? Of course. Do people disappoint you? Absolutely. Do you pursue what you want & feel like it’s unattainable? Of course. Do you want something so badly, yet it doesn’t materialize? Absolutely!Here are some ways to keep you reminded of what life is really about:...more

Top 10 things to help you heal from a failed relationship

First, I’d like to thank all of my followers and readers. I am extremely grateful for your support. Many of you I have cried, laughed, cheered, and ranted with. Most of all I feel like we have gotten to a better place together....more

Top 10 things to stop doing right now

1. Don’t think that people will change.2. Don’t settle. In every person you encounter you gain something. Focus on what you gained, instead of what you were disappointed with. Use that list to carry you into the next relationship.3. Don’t think that people aren’t satisfied with what they are or their circumstances. People structure their lives the way they want. When you join someone’s life it either works or it doesn’t.4. Don’t get caught up in someone else’s drama. Follow your gut. If you hesitate about something, it is usually something you should avoid....more

Naked with the dog

This date was courtesy of pof. After several attempts at scheduling a date because of dog sitting issues, we finally meet for dinner. He had just returned from a vacation with his dog. Just the 2 of them. Very cute, right? Or creepy, whatever. He seemed to be nice enough. While at dinner he explained how they had a lovely relaxing time (yes, him & the dog), he’s had to hire 3 dog sitters because the dog was bored of the first 2, satisfied with his job, and now looking to form the next phase of his life. I’m listening, answering his questions, engaging in conversation....more


This date is courtesy of our beloved I am walking up to the door and am greeted by a random guy who knows my name. It’s the guy I am supposed to meet. He is waiting for me outside because he grossly misrepresented himself.  He used a picture of his cousin because he is insecure about his looks, apologizes, and would completely understand if I didn’t want to go through with the date. Ok, I would’ve been an asshole if I said “you look like a pug dog....more

Stop dating down!

Ok, so, I told you the WTF? story to tell you this: dating down is a terrible thing.Most of the time when I have dated down, I was hoping that I really wasn’t or I was lying to myself about who the person really was. I was highlighting the aspects of the person that I wanted and ignoring ALL of the things that I didn’t want. I realized that people are what they are, not what you want them to be.How do you know you’re dating down? Here’s a list of some things that will help you answer that question:...more