Elaine H

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  1. Death by Pantyhose

    6/16/09 4:37am by Elaine H
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    One of the things I love most about weekends is not having to wear pantyhose. Really, I don't know who thought the concept of an elasticized corset with legs would be comfortable. Maybe it works for sausage, but around a middle age waist, it's just plain torture. After years of tolerating tight waistbands and the inevitable "overflow bulge" that happens when your abdominal fat is squashed upwards (where else is it going to go?), I'd finally had it. I had been avoiding taking drastic measures up until now, but my sanity was at stake.  Read more >

  2. It's My (Not So Young) Life

    6/16/09 4:10am by Elaine H
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    I remember the exact moment I realized no one was buying my extended delusion in being perpetually 21. It was 1989, and Bon Jovi was coming to town. I was suddenly single again, a mom with a second grader at home, and wondering what ever happened to my footloose, party-all-night, no worries youth. I yearned for that freedom. It didn't even occur to me that I was too old to be hanging outside the doors of an arena as if I had no responsibilities. In my little, age-defying brain, I wasn't a disappointed ex-wife or someone's mother; I was fifteen again in four inch heels and big hair.  Read more >

  3. The Mothering Instinct Never Fails

    5/9/09 2:46pm by Elaine H
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    It's 5:00 a.m., and the crying from the other room has just begun. I try to bury my head under the blankets but the relentless, mournful whimpers have reached nails-on-chalk-board level. Thank God, I never had a cholically baby, I think to myself, wrapping the pillow around my head. I would have needed sedation. Despite the fact I haven't been startled awake by infantile distress in more than twenty-six years, my unconscious mothering instinct prods at me with every quavering howl.  Read more >

  4. Too Old for the Job, but Not to be a Formidable Woman!

    5/3/09 5:37pm by Elaine H
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    I just read in the May issue of MORE that actress Isabella Rossellini was canned by cosmetics giant Lancome after 14 years representing their makup. The reason she got the axe? She's--ahem--forty-two. Oh, dear God, a woman who's actually mature selling make-up to women her own age! It's absolutely unthinkable.   Read more >

  5. In the Meantime, I'm Queen of My Own Castle

    4/27/09 2:02pm by Elaine H
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    Sometimes you hear the most profound statements when you're doing something totally innane. Sunday morning I was in the pet aisle at Walmart picking out a jumbo size container of cat litter (two cat household), when I overheard a petite silver haired woman thank another lady in the same aisle for getting her one of the containers she couldn't reach. "I was looking for a man," she quipped, "but I couldn't find one." I wanted to walk up to her and say, "Me either, but I survived pretty well without one." Where did that thought come from? Oh, me.  Read more >

  6. Meno-Mind: "I Swear It Was Here a Minute Ago"

    4/19/09 1:56pm by Elaine H
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    My Saturday morning started off like this: I'm at the checkout counter of one of the local discount stores, rummaging around my wallet for my debit card. It was early, so there wasn't a line, and only one other person waiting (patiently). No card. So I pulled out everything in the bill portion, which, like any woman, includes an assortment of junk. Out came a JC Penney hair salon punch card, my credit cards, a Pottery Barn Gift Card, my car registration, my library card, an expired appointment card for my dentist, and a couple of reciepts. But no debit card.  Read more >

  7. Spare Me Bikini Bod Envy!

    4/14/09 4:38pm by Elaine H
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    Okay, we've all seen Valerie Bertinelli's look-what-I've-got-back body, clad in a teeny tiny bikini on the cover of People magazine. We looked. We gaped. We envied. I don't blame her for wanting to show it off. All of us who have ever set--and met--a weight goal understand that this is an unpop the cork moment, and when you're over forty, that means the good stuff.  Read more >

  8. The Long Road to Getting Some

    4/11/09 3:28pm by Elaine H
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    This was one of those weeks when all I wanted to do was come home to a glass of wine and have mindless sex. The problem is, the man I prefer to have mindless sex with lives 8 hours away.  Read more >

Elaine Harrigan

Full Name
Elaine Harrigan
Member Since
April 2009

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