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Behavioral methods are usually associated with autism and early intervention, or orca training. But guess what? You can use them to change the behavior of almost anyone: your children, your partner, your co-workers, even icky blog or Twitter trolls. I am a huge fan of behavioral methods because they have helped my son gain so many skills, but I also confess that I use the methods to mold behaviors whenever I can. Let me tell you how you can play puppeteer, too.
All you have to do is ignore undesired behavior, and instead seek out, role model, and reinforce desired behavior. If your subject doesn't respond, then analyze their motivations, and appeal to those motivations instead using reinforcers (okay, bribes) if necessary, which you can taper off once the behavior becomes routine. That's pretty much it. I know.
Behavioral methods are straightforward, but they're not instinctive unless you're the kind of naturally empathetic and kind person I tend to avoid because you make me feel like a jerk. And implementing behavioral approaches systematically and consistently, especially in parenting, takes more effort than asking children to talk about what they were feeling when they hit their brother over the head with a lunchbox (though understanding that motivation is important, too). It takes a lot more analysis and upfront effort to be proactively positive instead of impulsively negative, but the results are generally worth it because you're not reacting and reprimanding, you're planning and conditioning -- and conditioning sticks. Behavioral methods aren't foolproof, but they usually work. Here are some examples:
- Instead of yelling at a kid who picks her nose, hand her a tissue, and tell her how proud you are when she blows her nose instead of excavating. Actively watch for opportunities to catch her doing the right thing, and praise her with gusto when it happens. If this approach doesn't work, up the ante with a sticker or other reward chart. If you still can't find any motivation strong enough to stop the nose-picking, then you need to decide if it's a critical battle, or if you should change your focus to "I'm proud of you when you don't pick your nose in public," and start reinforcing that behavior instead.
- Instead of replying to a nasty troll, ignore them. Let your blood boil offline all you want; they can't hear or see you. But if you refrain from reacting to them online, they will eventually go away because you've eliminated their motivation, and they're not going to waste their energy on you when there are so many other, more easily riled targets. (This only applies if you truly want your troll to disappear, and don't secretly enjoy goading them and watching them bellow.)
- Instead of chastising a co-worker who takes the last cup of coffee and leaves the carafe empty, ask them if they wouldn't mind refilling it, and be emphatic but not patronizing in thanking them when they do so. Repeat repeat repeat. (You might want to wait until after they've had their first sip of coffee.)
Behavioral methods form the cornerstone of ABA therapy, which is one of the most commonly used approaches to help children with autism and other special needs learn. it is a 1:1 -- one child, one therapist instructor -- intensive, data- and evidence- driven educational program for addressing a child's learning deficits. Whether it takes place at home, at school, or across both places, all the learning is tracked, and the resulting data scored and analyzed to see what kind of progress the child is making.
Many autistic children have difficulty learning from their environment or in traditional educational settings, because there are so many assumptions involved in each lesson. How can a child learn to write the letter A if they don't understand how to hold a crayon, that you need to hold the paper with the other hand, or even that you're supposed to remain seated? These kids need their learning broken down into small steps, and bolstered by repetition. This is what ABA therapy does.
It is not the only way to help our kids with autism and other special needs learn, and it doesn't don't work for all kids with autism because there is no one type of kid with autism, just as there is no one type of gifted child or one type of Deaf child. But ABA is worth trying, to see if your child responds. ABA therapy methods taught
