Every February, I find myself hedging about Valentine’s Day. I hate the holiday because it’s a manufactured excuse to extract money from Americans for cards, dinners, gifts, flowers, and chocolates, as though all the concern and care lovers should show to one another can be expressed via a big credit card spend on one over-hyped night.

At the same time, I like Valentine’s Day, both because it’s a chance to show people I care about that I’m thinking of them, and because it’s delightful to be the recipient of those cards, dinners, gifts, flowers. My usual way of dealing with this ambivalence is to resist all efforts to plan something for that night, but then to grab the relationship of the moment (and it’s been a different one every year, I confess), and go out for a small dinner, nothing excessive, followed by a quiet night alone together.

This year, in the still-early stages of a relationship I truly hope lasts into next year and beyond, I’m thinking about what I could do to make Valentine’s Day more meaningful this time around (the other choice seems to be to ignore it completely.) And so, with that in mind, here are some thoughts on how to I might add depth and resonance when Feb 14^th comes around in my own life the year:

Buy or make some great V-Day cards
This year, I decided I’d sent cards not only to my main sweetie, but to other people I love, including a former boyfriend, a dear friend and occasional boyfriend, and two female friends (platonic).If Valentine’s Day is about affection, why not share the love?

To make these cards really impactful, I went onto my favorite crafters’ site, etsy.com, and picked out and ordered some lovely cards. If I’d been feeling more creative, I could have actually made cards myself, but buying some one else’s labor seemed fine.

Select some special poetry for your beloved
Reading poetry to one another is a fabulously sexy and intimate act. Some great poems to consider are

• WH Auden's Lay your sleeping head my love
• ee cumming’s I like my body when it is with your body
• Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s How do I love thee?
• Parts of the Song of Solomon (Chapter 2)
• Adrienne Rich’s Twenty-One Love poems (excerpt)
• Edna St. Vincent Millay: I dreamed I moved among the Elysium fields

Create a special gift, something unique and special
In a world where so much is pre-packaged and pre-fab, hand made and customized gifts show you’ve given someone time and attention, qualities lovers value. Some of the best presents I’ve given(or gotten) have been the following:

• Small flipbooks made from flickr photos by Quoop--that commemorate time together
• Stones, driftwood or emphera from a special place, framed or arranged so it can live on my desk at work
• An external hard drive or a thumb drive full of carefully arranged (and legal) music, movies, poems or podcasts—what shows care better than items to listen to/watch/enjoy?
• A framed picture of yourself and the person, perhaps in a collaged or stickered frame.
• Handmade items like a scarf, gloves, hat, customized T-shirt or jacket.
• A list of things you love about the person

Plan a meaningful event
Going out for dinner is the classic V-Day activity, followed by a romantic night, but who’s to say that’s the only way? Mix it up with some of the following possibilities:

• Massage and hot tub for two at a spa
• Session at the batting cage or the miniature golf range
• Go kart racing
• Painting mugs and plates at a ceramics store
• At home dinner and a movie from your distant past (or something silly and current)
• A Photo walk—have fun shooting digital views of a walk through your city, or an interesting near-by area that you can edit and post later
• Personalized backrub or massage

Give the gift of your full attention
With the busy, multi-layered lives we all live, the most precious gift we can give one another is to be fully present. Remember that a critical way to signal love on Valentine’s Day are to truly focus on your partner during the time you are together—that means turning the cell phone off, not interrupting when your love speaks, actively listening and showing you are paying attention.

Give the gift of your honest communication
Is it a truism to say that real love is about sharing our truest, most genuine selves? Arranging your evening so there’s time and space for intimacy and meaningful talk is a lovely way to spend the holiday, especially if you can create intimate space without making it seem all heavy.

Focus on fun (movies laughing discovery)
One of the great bonds is a shared (or compatible) sense of humor. Taking time on V-Day to savor a DVD of a favorite comedian, a shared silly movie, or a an amusing YouTube video (or several) is a delicious thing to do and will make you feel close and connected.

Some of my favorites:

• Weird Science
• Logan’s Run (with Farrah Fawcett)
• Skullcrusher Mountain (Mike Spiff version of the Jon Coulton song)
• Ok Go (Treadmill song)

Save time for (good) sex
Setting the stage for love is an advice columnist truism, and yet it’s something that can really work on Valentine’s Day.

Think about how you might get the kids (or roommates) out of the house and enjoy something a little different, whether it’s watching a video together as part of your foreplay, taking a bubble bath, washing one another in the shower, or trying something different sexually—or savoring what favorite ways to be intimate with one another. The important thing is to set the stage to be relaxed, sharing and fully present—after all, this is a chance to celebrate one another.

Take a (loving) risk show and show your wild side
For some, Valentine’s Day is a chance to reach new heights. If you’re an adventurer (or your partner is), V-Day can be made memorable by a shared agreement (and plan) to push the envelope and explore new boundaries. Whether it’s a particular sexual fantasy, a new (shared) experience, or an outing to somewhere edgy (sex toy shop, perhaps?), make V-Day a time to create memorable new experiences.

Remember it’s just one day of the year—love happens 365 and 24/7
For all the ways that Valentine’s Day is a chance to show your love and regard, it’s only one day of the year. As much as you can enjoy celebrating on the 14^th, it’s how you interact on all the days before and after that really matter. Finding time to declare your love, to give the gift of time and attention, and to focus on real communication and loving touch will improve your relationships whenever you practice these skills, not just on a holiday.

Blogs worth a read:
Shopgirl by Miss Scotch--"Oh, you just wanted to remind me that I don't have a job, my bank account is dwindling, and what? I'm 28-years-old facing certain failure at life."

Gritty-sweet: "Just to give you a brief introduction of who I was 10 years ago… I was 24 years old, working full time as an administrative assistant at a small software company."

Orangette: Food and life. "I’m going to go out on a limb here, but I really do believe it: that there is great value, people, in knowing how to doctor a can of beans"

So, readers, what do you have planned for V-Day? Any tips/stories/ strategies for making the holiday special (but maybe a bit less commercial) that you can share? Don't be shy--post here!!