Valentine's Day Hype
by no_I_am_zoe

If you've watched any television this month, you've seen one or two, or 500, commercials for different jewelry stores, all marketing the notion that giving your wife, or girlfriend, diamonds is the ultimate romantic gesture. These commercials drive me crazy. They not only foster unreasonable expectations of love and relationships, but also put undue pressure on one person in the relationship to bear the brunt of the responsibility for Valentine's Day romance.

After watching one particular commercial, I turned to Betty Please and asked her if she would be completely swept off her feet if I gave her a pink ballerina jewelry box, just like the one she had as a little girl, with a pair diamond earrings inside. Her response was, "I would if the jewelry box was blue, and there was an iPhone inside." I was pretty sure that would be her answer, she's been drooling over the iPhones since before they came out. And no, she's not getting an iPhone for Valentine's Day.

What is nice about my relationship with Betty Please is that she, like me, realizes that one day a year does not a great and life lasting love affair make. It doesn't mean the romance is gone just because you don't have some big fairytale date on Valentine's Day. Betty Please and I have been talking about all the hype of Valentine's Day and its empty promise of romance since all of these commercials began airing a few weeks ago. I asked her if she was ever disappointed that I don't do anything extraordinarily romantic for her for Valentine's Day. She told me that she didn't think we needed to do anything special or different on February 14th because we don't need to jump start our relationship. Everyday is already like Valentine's Day. It's all the little stuff that we do for each other every day that matters. Well, I can't argue with her about that.

I also appreciate that Betty Please understands we both have responsibility for maintaining the spark in our relationship. The Valentine's Day commercials seem to be selling the fantasy of the husband/boyfriend wooing his wife/girlfriend. What I don't understand is, why does the onus of romance fall on the men? It would seem to put quite a lot of pressure on men to measure up to such an unrealistic standard. Is this just something that I don't understand because I'm not in a heterosexual relationship? That is not to say that I don't expect romance in my relationship, but we both play a part in keeping our relationship alive.

It probably goes with out saying that we don't do anything too fancy for Valentine's Day. We usually do make it a date night, in. We'll probably rent movies and get carry-out from our favorite place. We'll probably get out our Thermarest mattresses and sleeping bags, and set up a little campsite on the living room floor for dinner, movies and snuggling. No computers, no phones, just us. For us that's a great Valentine's Day.

For more ideas and thoughts on Valentine's Day, check out these blogs:
Maria, Just Eat Your Cupcake, talks about Valentine's Day Etiquette.
girl2girl, (link may not be safe for work)Lesbian Dating & Relationships, gives Valentine's Day date and gift ideas in her post Not Your Usual Lesbian Valentine's Day.
Kathy Belge, Lesbian Life, writes the Top 8 Lesbian Valentine's Ideas

Submitted by no_I_am_zoe (view blog) on Wed, 02/13/2008 - 22:17

Comments

 

Heteronormative holidays and the commercials
they spawn

That's the one really great thing about being a lesbian in a hetero world, we aren't represented in those idiotic commercials so we don't need to feel "guilty" about them and about not living up to them.

Tonight, we'll be doing what lots of lesbians all over the country will be doing... listening to DRIVE but we'll be doing it in a bar, 3 feet from Melissa. Unfortunately, we'll have a 2 hour drive ahead of us immediately following DRIVE.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Submitted by Denise on Thu, 02/14/2008 - 03:29
 

Ooh...

Have fun... I've not seen Melissa in 4 plus years now.

The one thing about this day that bothers me is I wanted to send cards to my daughters and forgot. That was really, really dumb.

nelle

Submitted by nelle2nelle on Thu, 02/14/2008 - 04:02
 

e-Cards!

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Submitted by Denise on Thu, 02/14/2008 - 04:11
 

Enjoy Drive

It is weird that I would even feel some level of guilt in reguards to those commercials. I guess I often shoulder the more sterotypically male roles my relationship. I had never really thought to much about the roles we each fill until just recently.

Enjoy your drive to see DRIVE, you lucky dog. I hope she plays it, she didn't play Drive, or really anything old, in the last two shows that we've been to. I understand that as a musician you probably get tired of playing the same songs night after night, but when people (read as ME), drive 2 plus hours to see your show you should play what they want to hear. I'm just saying.

Submitted by no_I_am_zoe on Thu, 02/14/2008 - 07:06
 

Drive is my least favorite song

next to NC and Freedom, darn things are over-played. So, if she doesn't play it I won't be heartbroken. :-) I'm just looking forward to seeing her again, she hasn't been down here since November (or maybe it was December) of 2006! That's a long freaking time for us to go without Melissa live.

Ohhhh stereotypical male roles in your relationship, so you're the boy! haha. That's another post all in itself, isn't it?

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Submitted by Denise on Thu, 02/14/2008 - 07:16
 

Drive isn't my favorite song

Drive isn't my favorite song either, but it's fun live when she adlibs stuff in the middle of the song. I agree about some of her songs being overplayed, but when I say she didn't play anything old, I mean she didn't play anything that came before "The Other Side." Nothing, Nada, Zip, Zero, Zilch.

Yeah, that's right, I'm the boy. I'll also wear a little black dress when the occasion calls for it. Among our good friends, I go from being called the other wife, to the husband. The interesting thing about our best friends is that my friend Sylvia is the bread winner and her husband, Phollower, is a stays home husband. This is actually a topic I've been toying around with posting. Some of this topic will work into my post for the end of the month.

Submitted by no_I_am_zoe on Thu, 02/14/2008 - 07:35
 

Never seen Melissa, but....

Okay, I've never seen Melissa and have no opinion whatsoever on her music. (not sure i've ever heard it.) I do think she is one cool chic, for damn sure, but that's not why I'm writing....

I love love love Valentines day. BUT, no, it is ridiculous to buy a big fancy gift or pile loads of expectations n it to rekindle anything that you have let wither for the other 364 days. I feel the same way about Christmas, and all the other holidays.

We're an "any random tuesday' family. I actually dislike receiving gifts on the obligatory holidays, it feel perfunctory etc.... But any given tuesday, if someone who loves me sees something that they know i would love, that's the gift i want. the gift of knowing that i was in someones heart at a random moment on a sunny day.

And don't even get me started on diamonds and gold. Look at what the mining for those things does to the planet, the health of workers who mine them for us, the ..... and tell me why THAT is what symbolizes love. Good gods, I could go n for hours about about how I do not want those metaphors anywhere near my body, my soul or the very concept of love and generosity. no no no no no. (My husband looks at me and asks me what and who he should pillage for me in honor of our love. I smile and say, "me please." Now that's a happy Valentine's Day, free, and replicable all year long!)
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

Submitted by alyssaroyse on Thu, 02/14/2008 - 08:10
 

I forgot to mention Cupid

Just my obligatory plug for Cupid and TinkerTank. I promise, eventually I will do something with this site (t-shirts, short stories, movies, I dunno....) But until then, I'll just remind you to go check out our very modern day Cupid. She's not Melissa Ethridge or anything, but she is a super cute chic with a mischievous sense of humor....

And I am trying to build awareness of our little site so that I can do all the above mentioned things with it.....

So, meet Cupid she's one of the many cool executives at TinkerTank. Spread the word - everyone should know her on this special day.

Yes, I'm on a mission to take back the holidays, i'm getting there.....
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

Submitted by alyssaroyse on Thu, 02/14/2008 - 08:16
 

A different Melissa

Since Denise is on the road seeing Melissa I thought I'd jump in and point out that she's referring to Melissa Ferrick since I made the same mistake of thinking Melissa=Etheridge in a post once. ;-)

Beyond Help

Submitted by Maria Niles on Sat, 02/16/2008 - 15:20
 

Heh Etheridge doesn't sing Drive

And, I can't even picture her attempting it. Which is good, it's not an image I'd like to get stuck in my head.

Speaking of Etheridge - long ago, MF used to launch into a medley of songs after singing "Everything I Need". She hasn't done it in years, or if she has - it hasn't been blogged or audiotaped and shared online. Last time I saw her do it was 2001.... she did it in St Augustine, and I have it on video. Awesome. And a brief snippet of "Come to My Window" is part of the medley.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Submitted by Denise on Sun, 02/17/2008 - 05:31
 

any random Tuesday

I like your "any random Tuesday" concept, it pretty much sums up the way I feel too. I am not a big lover of the holidays, any of them. I like the concept of the holidays, but I think everything is so marketed and over the top these days that meaning is lost. I prefer to do things out of the blue for the people in my life. I think it means more.

Submitted by no_I_am_zoe on Fri, 02/15/2008 - 07:08
 

Even as a hetero-female

I completely agree the hype and pressures of Valentine's Day and ludicrous. That, however, doesn't mean that when I was younger, I had a few dashed Valentine's Days because I naively bought into the expectations.

Now, like most other major holidays, I feel a day, is just a day, is a day. What really matters is the day to day love and care you put into a relationship.

Helene
The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide
http://themodernwomansdivorceguide.com/blog

ps. I was surprised yesterday, and thrilled, when my ex gave me new socks for VD!!!

Submitted by moddivorce on Fri, 02/15/2008 - 10:18
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