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| "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" Matthew 6:21 |
he was
maybe out of fear
life
He never did like me, the Father of my first love. He tolerated me, as did his mom but I knew something wasn't quite right. Raquel Welch poster upon his Father's downstairs room, spoke of passions boxed up, yet his son was so open and desire so arduous, the spark of light from his mothers heart was seen deep in his pupil. He knew he was loved by her yet he was earning his Father's approval,so respect was paramount as the games continued.
Silent bets were made and looming strokes of a dark filled New Yourk Bridge sat on the living room mantle. It was there, thoughts; "can't find my place here" just vacant brown. Was it my imagination? Sigma Pi invites, lacy bikini's on the floor of the bunk, there, naked bodies inviting us in as an Ithaca sweety was wrapped in his roommates arms. "No shame" I would think, she thinks she loves him yet if she only knew what he said the day before; "Who can I invited this weekend, good between two sheets and looks great on my dick?" I was among the creme of the crop, future leaders and all I wanted to do was run. Bridge games, social smiles, beautiful people with intellectual prowess. Made for interesting chemistry but I knew better. He graduated as a Chemical Engineer, 11th in his class but he wasn't my angel anymore.
Finished my medical studies and one of my cohorts introduced me to her brother. My goodness was he good looking and so totally opposite. 6ft 5, Scandinavian descent he tempted me to break almost every private vow, he wanted to be my King. Heard through the grape vine, my fallen angel was engaged to a lawyer, so I accepted his proposal. How could I go wrong with a decathlon champion who adored his family and held his mother in such high esteem? So I dove head first into the loins of uncircumcision.
A whirlwind of decision, birthing and understanding drove us to Florida where someone met me. It was the angel of my youth, professing his love once again. He met someone but he wasn't sure she was the one. He had to see me one more time. (the lawyer and he didn't work out, nor the MD) I was pregnant with my second child and he kissed me on the lips, a sweet goodbye, please forgive me he said, whispering you were the one.
My eyes burned and the child within me leapt, snapping me back to the present. I said...He will restore everything to you, just watch! God Bless! and turned to go back to the one I said "death do we part".
Through these precious years, never forgot the innocent...the growing years. So blessed with every birthing pain. My parents, laid down a strong foundation and choices launched generational seeds of hope. All in all been so blessed and recognized my first love, my angel over an over again. The purity and spark of every soul, every season and creation of Jehovah Almighty. But the day we set any form above the Creator we witness a fallen angel, hopefully it isn't the angel within.