Victorian Times or Comprehensive Sex Ed: Which Method Do You Choose to Prevent Teen Pregnancy?
by Suzanne Reisman

If there is one thing I wish I had the power to do, it is the ability to force people to live by their stated convictions. I think that this actually cuts across the entire length of the political spectrum, as there are many people who claim to be liberal or feminists who undermine equality and fairness, but of course, my interest in this is most piqued by conservative women. If all individuals actually had to practice what they preach, I am curious how quickly their messages would change.


On Sunday, I read a fascinating column in the New York Times by one of my favorite hypocrites, Caitlin Flanagan (she of the “all women should quit their jobs and be stay-at-home moms just like me except that I have a job as a writer and a full-time child care provider who cleans up after my vomiting child while I stand in the doorway giving encouragement” claim to fame), about teen pregnancy. Bracing myself, I began reading ”Sex and the Teenage Girl”, and was surprised to find myself nodding to Flangan’s assertion that in the movie Juno (which I loved):

…there is a moment when Juno tells her father about her condition, and he shakes his head in disappointment and says, “I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.”


Female viewers flinch when he says it, because his words lay bare the bitterly unfair truth of sexuality: female desire can bring with it a form of punishment no man can begin to imagine, and so it is one appetite women and girls must always regard with caution.

Ah, so Flanagan isn’t completely clueless, I thought to myself before reading the next sentence and the rest of the absurd column, which goes on to note that Juno was pregnant and shamed because she had “a single sexual experience with a sweet, well-intentioned boy.” Well, that's half true. The real problem with this “single sexual experience” is that it seems to have been a completely unprotected “single sexual experience.” When watching the movie, we see Juno drop her undies on the floor and approach the “sweet, well-intentioned” naked boy sitting on an armchair. We see no discarded condom wrapper, hear no discussion of whether or not they are using protection, or are given any indication that birth control is used.

The obvious solution to prevent teen girls from becoming pregnant, then, is that we need more honest discussions about teen sexuality and safe sex. Common sense. Instead, Flanagan claims that the best way to prevent teen girls from becoming pregnant is that we should travel back in time and adopt more repressive standards for our own good:

... girls used to be so carefully guarded and protected — in a system that at once limited their horizons and safeguarded them from devastating consequences. The feminist historian Joan Jacobs Brumberg has written that “however prudish and ‘uptight’ the Victorians were, our ancestors had a deep commitment to girls.”

See, if Caitlin Flanagan had to live in Victorian times, I suspect she would be less enamored of the “protection” they offered girls. She might find that repression, fear, and ignorance prevented some teen pregnancy in middle-class, white girls, but that the system failed enormous numbers of poor women. She also might discover that it led to crazed fear of all sexuality, contributed to the very double standards of sex that she claims to dislike, and was overall incredibly dangerous and counterproductive.

The truth is that if we really want to prevent teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, both of which increased in the US last year for the first time in nearly a decade, we need comprehensive sex education, not Victorian era “protection.” Even if teens do not chose to become sexually active, it is a fact that most people will have sex at some point in their lives. Comprehensive sex education prepares girls – and boys – to make healthy and safe choices that will protect them for years. (With comprehensive sex ed, we can also reduce the need for abortions – something Flanagan dramatized as causing “grown women” to weep “bitterly after abortions, no matter how sound their decisions were.” Just a friendly reminder that Victorian pablum doesn’t magically prevent grown women from unwanted pregnancies, either.)

What others are blogging about “Sex and the Teenage Girl:”

Suzanne also blogs at Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants and sometimes should be forced to live by her own words as well

Submitted by Suzanne Reisman (view blog) on Thu, 01/17/2008 - 06:10

Comments

 

Start When They're Young

This is why I loved Logan's book Third Base Ain't What It Used to be so much. She did a book tour at my blog and I know yours as well. One of the points Logan makes that I absolutely agree with is that our children's decision about who to have sex with and when are ultimately their own decisions to make. When the time comes, it is two people together, without family and friends in the room (at least hopefully!), making their own decisions. I agree with what you wrote in the post. Perhaps those two people will be teens, perhaps they'll be adults but either way it is important to understand safe sex, pregnancy and STDs. I hate to sound negative, but you just never know if you're going to have a cheating partner/spouse. It's still important to know about STDs even in the most committed of relationships.

I actually think the problem is more deeply rooted than just uncomfortable conversations with teenagers and sex. I think a lot of stems from uncomfortable conversations about the female body. I can't tell the number of times I've heard other moms say they have no problem telling their little boys that their genitalia is called a "penis" but they cannot bring themselves to tell their daughters that their genitalia is called a "vagina". My 4 year old son has a fantastic book that correctly identifies male and female genitalia. He definitely has drawn a few looks from announcing that the female genitalia that you can see is called a "vulva".
Alex Elliot, Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting

Submitted by A Elliot on Thu, 01/17/2008 - 05:33
 

The middle path

Yes, Suzanne, talking about sex and sexuality is absolutely essential.

As you know ,I come from a background where teen sex (leave along teen pregnancy), is a strict no-no and can bring crushing shame to you, your parents, and your family.

Besides that and a Catholic school education that emphasized on 'moral values' , my mother had a list of a few practical reasons why I should stay away from any such "nonsense".

They may sound a tad traditional here, but they served as a good anchor for me and helped me get through adolescence without much ado:

a) All that the boys want at this age is your body. They don't care a hoot about how you feel and how to deal with consequences.

b) You could get pregnant and the boy will walk away without a scratch.

c) This is not the time or age for sex or relationships. They are important decisions that you should make wisely. They will only serve as distractions now and can be taken care of later. Focus on your education. Once you are educated, standing on your own feet (as they like to say), and know how to manage your life on your own, you can think about men.

The second and third arguments influenced me the most :) I'm glad my mother took the practical sense approach rather than the morally right v/s wrong stance.

I haven't seen Juno, but it's on my Must Watch list :)

Snigdha

Submitted by snigdhasen on Fri, 01/18/2008 - 12:48
 

Me too!

I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and went to public school, but I definitely got the second and third message you wrote from my parents. And I also knew that I was no emotionally mature enough or ready to handle sex, so I stayed away. A boyfriend even dumped me because of it, which was horrible, but I've never regretted staying true to myself and my family's values.

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants

Submitted by Suzanne Reisman on Sat, 01/19/2008 - 07:17
 

Victorians weren't that successful in
stopping teen pregnancy..

I'm not sure where "feminist" historian Joan Brumburg (quoted by Flanagan in her piece) gets her information from, but today most historians generally acknowledge that out of wedlock births have been quite common thoughout western history. Prior to the 19th century it wasn't really seen as a problem--and while Victorian values generated greater stigma surrounding teen pregnancy, the rates for unwed mothers remained quite high--23%. The difference is that when looking back at Victorian history, most of the historical information we're reading was written by upper-middle class people. Even today, the upper classes have much lower rates of teen pregnancy, which gives them (in their minds) the moral authority to decry the "rise in teen pregnancy" among minorities and the working classes.

There was a great article on this subject published by Political Science Quarterly in 1993 by Deborah Rhode entitled "Adolescent Pregnancy and Public Policy."

http://earthly-paradise.blogspot.com/

Submitted by Margaret Lozano on Fri, 01/18/2008 - 13:30
 

Facts are inconvenient

People like Flanagan find actual historical facts not worth paying attention to when they can make sensational and ridiculous arguments that bring attention to them. I remember learning in my AP US History class that 1/3 of brides in Colonial America were pregnant when they got married. Historians figured this out by studying birth records and comparing them to marriage licenses, and discovered that a lot of babies were born significantly less than nine months after the marriage took place. So either our colonial settlers had a lot of pre-marital sex or babies had shorter gestational periods a few centuries ago. :)

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants

Submitted by Suzanne Reisman on Sat, 01/19/2008 - 07:17
 

Providing balanced education

One of the biggest problems with saying we need to "protect" our young girls rather than educate them, is that they are getting an education whether we want it or not. Sex is everywhere in our society - I can turn on the TV at 6 pm and see fairly graphic sex (let's not even touch on violence) and it doesn't even hit my radar.

Beyonce rolls around on the floor in a DirecTV advertisement, our favorite characters frequently go all the way on a first or second date, and there are not a whole lot of condom wrappers laying around. There are rarely consequences in the form of pregnancy or STDs, rarely is protection discussed.

Similar to the "Be thin!"... "Bake these double fudge brownies!" messages that have contributed to serious body image issues, we're saying "Abstain!" ... "Sex is how you begin a relationship!" and it's just not reasonable to expect teenagers to figure out what we really mean.

We need to take responsibility for the education we're providing. It needs to be comprehensive, and we need to incorporate information on pleasure and choice. It's not just "insert tab A into slot B" and we shouldn't pretend it is (cable TV certainly doesn't) Girls need to be given confidence and encouragement.

I really believe that if girls knew that sex could be something wonderful for them, and weren't just fed a bunch of bullshit about how it's up to girls to "know when to say when", they would be more able to say "no" when it's not right for them, and to say "yes, but put this on" when it is right for them.

Knowledge is power.

http://getting-off.blogspot.com

Submitted by Ann517831 on Fri, 01/18/2008 - 21:24
 

Best advice

My enlightened hippy parents did a fine job of walking the line. I don't really know how to judge "effectiveness," beyond that fact that at the age of 38 I am thoroughly happy with both my body and my sex life. Discussions in my house were always frank and honest, and they started pretty young.

My daughter and I went out to dinner last night, and we ran into a teacher from her school. He may or may not be her teacher next year.... Regardless, he is cute with a capitol Q. So I said to her, "well, he's cute. I think I need to go to back to 5th grade." She rolled her eyes, but it started a conversation. Sort of. She clearly does not think he is cute, though he is apparently funny....

This is what my parents did with me. Create opportunities to talk about both the nuts and bolts (penises and vaginas, actually) but also the emotional parts. When hormones kick in, you have to know the language, have something of a road map, you become a tourist in your own foreign body and ti helps if you have some idea what to expect.

But, back to the best advice. I HATED it at the time, but when i was 15 or so, my step-father looked at me and said, "if you aren't comfortable enough with a guy to put a condom on his cock, you shouldn't be having sex with him." I can't say that I was always perfect, but I can say that in the 23 years since I got that advice, I have never heard better advice. It told me that I had a right to be comfortable, to be in charge, to do what I wanted, to make sure I was safe and to NOT do it if i didn't feel all those things.

Long winded way of saying - most people have sex. And most of us do it before we're married. And most of us do it for fun, which means we do it more than just the times necessary to make a baby. And every single one of those times needs to be safe - both physically and emotionally.

Not to be dire here, but these days, sex can kill you. So, if we don't educate our children, we're basically acknowledging that they're going to have a hobby that could kill them, but not telling them how to protect themselves. Kind of like, I dunno, sky diving, but never telling them how to open their chute. They may ask the right person for advice, or not.

You up for taking that risk? I'm not.
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

Submitted by alyssaroyse on Fri, 01/18/2008 - 21:56
 

Your step-father said that? Wow!

I would have died of embarrassment if any adult said that to me, but it is EXACTLY what kids need to hear. In many ways, whether or not a person can handle the responsibility of safe sex is the perfect measure for whether or not he/she is ready to engage in sexual activity. Your step-dad is awesome.

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants

Submitted by Suzanne Reisman on Sat, 01/19/2008 - 07:21
BlogHer

© Copyright 2008 BlogHer | Terms of Service