Do Tell: This Video Is So Long Because the Date Was So Bad

I had a date with a guy who had worked in "sewage" for 20 years and told me all about gauges on pipes and the benefits of copper versus lead and how necessary the valves were to make the systems work efficiently - his version took of that took just over an hour non stop and was repeated in sections during the rest of the date.... still however painful the event, it makes a funny story, and if thats all you get from the evening its ALMOST worth it... happy dating ladies!

What a great line!

Jesica, I love watching you tell stories because your delivery is SO FUNNY. Everything you do should be on video. That was awesome.

I bet the Infiniti was borrowed.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

On the "my date stole something for me" vein -- my drunk-ass college boyfriend picked up a leather coat some girl left in a bar and GAVE IT TO ME FOR CHRISTMAS. I didn't find out until I'd been wearing it for months that it was hot.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Loralee, I can't believe you booted and rallied like that. UNBELIEVABLE.

I can't eat sushi because of a smell issue while newly pregnant. Just saying.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

What a hilarious an awful experience you had, Rita!  I'm in fits of hysterical laughter tears over it.  I've been trying to remember awful dates, but must admit that time and selective memory is playing tricks on me.  I will spare you video, because I can't find my mascara.

My "first date," my Daddy thought it would be funny, and started cleaning his gun before the guy showed.  When Daddy carried the gun to the door, my date was over before it began.  We locked Daddy in the closet when I had dates after that.

There was the time, though, that I went out with a "bad boy," with whom I was madly in love (of course).  We went to the mall to do some shopping.  I went to the bathroom, and when I came back he presented me with the most lovely charm bracelet I had ever seen.  It was a token of his undying affection.  How romatic, eh?

Unfortunately, he had lifted it!  When we stepped out of the store, the security guard detained us for the police.  I was not arrested, though I got the thrill of sitting in a police car with the lights flashing.  The good news is that it cured my addiction to "bad boys."

Shelly Kneupper Tucker

writes at This Eclectic Life ( http://thiseclecticlife.com/ )

Twitter handle: @shellyktucker ( http://twitter.com/shellyktucker )

Did he go into the dance with you? Is there a chaperone section? I'm fascinated!

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor. Follow Rita on Twitt ( http://bit.ly/c5pQ5s )

It's really weird to talk to my computer. I much prefer to tell my stories in person!

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor. Follow Rita on Twitt ( http://bit.ly/c5pQ5s )

That my very favorite part of the whole thing is "The NAPOLEON was flying everywhere!"

(It WOULD be a rad ice cream flavor, though. I am totally going to suggest it to Ben & Jerry's. Hee)

...cause NO WAY IN HELL am I doing "Interpretive dance".

:)

The lighting sucks (as does my hair) but hey...I had 5 minutes to do one take. Not vlogging at its finest, I assure you. (Gosh, I must like you a lot. hee)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJ_zBJsvqGY

(I wish I had remembered to include how he DROVE US OVER A MEDIAN TO GO THE OTHER WAY ON THE FREEWAY and that instead of a corsage I got wilting roses that still had thorns on them.)

And Rita, I think I've been to that club.  Also wildly underdressed for the scene. Ah, memories. 

The Circus is in town! ( http://www.threekidcircus.com ) Kid Vs. Produce ( http://www.kidvsproduce.com )

How about being the prom date of a guy:

* who drove a car which had a makeshift electric fan wired to the cigarette lighter instead of airconditioning (note: this was in the Philippines, which is on the same latitude as the Gates of Hell), the kind of fan that SUCKS YOUR IMMACULATE HAIRSTYLE into its blades.....

* whose engine died Every. Single. Time. We went over a speed bump (and there are lots of those in Manila)....

* whose sixty-year old uncle had to ride in the back seat as a chaperone?

Boy do blind dates suck.

Dude. You totally need to write a book along with an accompanying video blog. Having been treated to your hilarious stories live and in person, I know there is more beyond this one brilliant video.

Bring it. Please!

And I'm going to try and remember my epic bad date story and record it for you.

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor. Follow Rita on Twitt ( http://bit.ly/c5pQ5s )

HOLY SHIT, RITA.

I'm sorry for that outburst, but really?  REALLY?  I hope you shook the shit out of the person who set you up on that date. I've never heard such a crazy, horrible (hilarious, sorry) date story.

I also have to tell that you for years and years and years I've been worried that I missed out horribly because I spent so much time in my young adult life in a serious relationship that started in high school.  When that ended, I began seeing the man who is now my husband/father of my child.  I have thought endlessly that I missed out on a chance to find myself, and/or experience different relationships/dating.

You have single-handedly made me feel better.  For free.  Thank you.

Lotus Carroll, aka Sarcastic Mom, writes @ ( http://twitter.com/ ) i am lotus ( http://iamlot.us ), reviews @ ( http://twitter.com/ ) lotus reviews ( http://lotusreviews.com ), and is Contributing Editor of Blissfully Domestic's photography column ( http://bit.ly/5DwPjB ).

Is she still your friend?

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor. Follow Rita on Twitt ( http://bit.ly/c5pQ5s )

I can't believe he did that. OH MY GOD. Makes you wish for the quainter time of wallet photos, eh?

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor. Follow Rita on Twitt ( http://bit.ly/c5pQ5s )

I honestly can't decide which of these stories I like better. I can only imagine how horrifying each of them was at the time, but 'tis true the more horrifying in person, the better the story.

Scooter.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor. Follow Rita on Twitt ( http://bit.ly/c5pQ5s )

OK - I am nowhere near mod nor do I have a thing for scooters, but both of the stories I remember are scootercentric. One of life's mysteries.

Bad Scooter Date #1

Scene: Verona. Traveling alone, writing a guidebook. Cute boy with scooter, friend of the hotel manager, offers to buzz me around town. I dress in a summer-appropriate, flowy skirt. He picks me up. I hop on back. After about half a block, I feel a sharp tug at my skirt, and the scooter comes to an abrupt stop. I look around, and see to my horror only a length of elastic circling my waist. The skirt had caught in the back wheel of the scooter and brought the bike to a halt. Cute boy was far more concerned with the well-being of his ride than his date; I was left to pull the tatters out from the spokes, fashion myself a wrap mini and scuttle back to the hotel.

Bad Scooter Date #2

Scene: Berkeley. Boy I've been crushing on asks me out. He arrives at my place on his scooter. Flirtatious chitchat ensues over coffee in my living room. Showtime for the carefully chosen indie flick approaches, so I hop on the back of the scooter. I know the date is going well.

What I don't yet know is that I'm soon to be diagnosed with POF ( http://www.pofsupport.org/ ), meaning that starting .... um, that night, my menses are about to become highly irregular. HIGHLY IRREGULAR.

Highly irregular to the point that when I hop of the scooter, I realize Mother Nature has left a ... gift ... on the scooter seat.

The boy was about as graceful about it as a 22-year-old can be and we did end up dating a couple times after that. Looking back, I'm much more appalled by the memory that neither of us was wearing a helmet. And by the absurdly long-lived (though well earned) nickname certain friends insisted on bestowing upon me. That time of my life is long over, though -- so please don't call me Scooter.

I once went on a date with a guy, and we ran into one of my best friends. Guess who went home with him? 

Yeah.  

Not me. 

My cousin, who knows me and loves me SO well, kept saying she had the perfect guy for me about 4 years ago. He was a union guy who worked on movies with her and was SO great. He was funny to her and they always had a great time at work. I asked "Why dont you date him"? and she just shrugged.

So we planned to meet up after a few days of talking on the phone. No REAL sparks via phone ~ But hey, he could be shy! RIGHT?!

We meet ( when I was dating, I would ALWAYS MEET so as to not have to let them know where I live), OH MY GOSH if he wasn't everything that I dislike, but as you said, you hoped "it would get better". It didn't. We were both divorced with kids-ok.

We had THAT in common. "Would you like to see my kids?" "Sure!"

He reached for his cell, opened up the pics and first one was a NAKED woman doing VERY suggestive PORNO things. He scrolled right past her - she seemed like she was REALLY trying to amuse him and love him forever ... there were at least 10 pics...FINALLY getting to his kids! By then I was gagging inside. But he never said anything so neither did I, after dinner and a few drinks that he paid for, thankfully, I left and never answered his texts, or calls. Ewww, at least cover your phone until you are ready to share what is in there! AND PLEASE don't show your first date your "crotch" photos from your girlfriend with the date still on them unless maybe he was trying to get rid of me??? The pics were current and I felt like he was telling me "I got it like that!" YUCK.

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Bossy was riveted by that story, and somewhere around YOU HAVING TO PAY FOR THE FOOD HE ATE AND DIDN'T EAT, Bossy may have even begun to chuckle a little. A lot.

Bossy never had a bad date. Maybe that's because Bossy never really had a date. No, it was more like she FELL into movies and dinner plans with the occasional boy.

You can find Bossy over at her place, i am bossy ( http://www.iambossy.com ). Don't even knock, she's always there.

That dude was a little odd. Getting a pumpkin from him just seemed about as normal as him asking to borrow my Asian Archaeology notes. Also he had just returned from an Anthropology Society campout at a farm. There was context. 

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

I don't know why you didn't know it. But it really was. He brought you a pumpkin. When a guy (or a girl) brings you a pumpkin - it's a date!

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

Let me see... yes I did - The Non-Date That Was ( http://www.sassymonkey.ca/?p=997 ). 

And what I remember now that I couldn't at the time I wrote it - the movie was that Bjork one. With the jumpy camera. And the dancing. (I think that might have been the same year as her swan dress...)

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

I KNOW you can remember.

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy ( http://surrenderdorothy.typepad.com ) and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

There has to be a Seinfeld episode in there somewhere.

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy ( http://surrenderdorothy.typepad.com ) and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

But am wracking my brain for bad date stories. I know I have them -- maybe I've repressed the memories.

But OMG Rita, your story is epic. EPIC.

But then I didn't really date a whole heck of a lot. I did go on a date once that I didn't really realize was a date. It's wasn't really bad, until I realized that the guy totally thought it was a date. Then it was just kind of weird.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

This was the worst one, but there are other stories, alas.

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy ( http://surrenderdorothy.typepad.com ) and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I've never really had a date bad enough to add it to a worst date story thread. There was one time that TW and I took my daughter to see a play... but that wasn't exactly a date....

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )