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Do parents really know best? That was the question posed by a recent TodayMoms blog post and Today Show video. My immediate response was, “You’re ding-dang right I know best!” Accompanied by a foot stomp and some pouting. Real mature. Is that where my kids get it? Maybe there's a point in the question. Maybe.
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I remember my mom giving me the big speeches. I remember thinking she was a moron. (Sorry, Mom.) What did she know? She didn’t live as a teenager (and, later, a college student) in the present day. She couldn’t have a clue as to what I was going through. Except... she did. More than my coaches. More than my teachers. More than my friends. I may not have told her everything -- trust me, I didn’t -- but she knew me more than those other people.
My peers didn’t know about the crazy anxiety I was dealing with in high school and college, whereas my mom knew how it affected me and the decisions I was making. My coaches (voice and sports) also didn’t know that I would rant and rave at home -- to my parents -- when I struck out or couldn’t hit a note in a certain aria. My peers might have known more about my crushes and my clothes, but they didn’t know the parts of me that were potentially embarrassing. More over, I wanted my coaches and friends to see me as an amazing young adult, not someone with faults. But trust me, my parents knew my faults.
And I know my kids have faults. I have one very stubborn child and one who is shaping up to be an instigator. One has a very, very sensitive side that he doesn’t like to show anyone but mom and dad. One is already -- sadly so -- showing signs of his mother’s perfectionism. Do I want them to have great relationships with future coaches, teachers and friends? Heck yes. Do I think that my kids will show their true colors at all times with those types of people? Maybe. I find it unlikely, though. Do I think they’re going to view me as their only confidante and tell me absolutely everything? Uh, no. But there’s one quote in that video that struck me.
"I don’t know if mothers and fathers ever know best. But hopefully their intentions are good."
I will be the first to admit that I’m just winging this parenting thing. I may have a library of parenting books on everything from potty-training (done!) to discipline (never-ending) to sibling rivalry (help?), but I’m really just flubbing it. But I have good intentions. I do. I can promise my kids that I’m going to make mistakes, just like the advice in the video tells parents to allow their children to make mistakes. In fact, I made mistakes as a daughter. So, really, we’re all just winging it, parents and kids alike.
In the end, I can only hope that my winging it leads my children to trust me. Not with everything. But with enough that I still know them -- the good, the not-so-good and the gray stuff in between. We’ll muck our way through and someday I might hear them say to their kids, “Because I’m the dad and I know best!” And I’ll chuckle, because I’ll know then that they’re just winging it, too.
Are you just winging it but still feel like you know your kids... even when you make a mistake? These bloggers hit on some of that.
- Pistols and Popcorn questioned what was a good age to leave a child alone and got a lot of “mom knows best” advice in the comments.
- Grit writes about education, parents knowing best and journalism with some zing.
- In a post
