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Back in the last century, when I was a teenager, I became a peer violence educator. The YWCA recruited and trained young women and men to conduct workshops at schools, youth groups, and other organized teen gathering places. We talked about the statistics of violence in teen relationships, the prevalence of which surprised me back then. I had thought that domestic violence was something that only affected adults. We talked about what people could do to help themselves or their friends if they were in an abusive situation.
Obviously the dawn of the 21st century hasn't solved all (or any) of the world's social problems, and dating violence has sadly become a hot topic of conversation due to the incident between Chris Brown and Rihanna that resulted in her trip to the emergency room. Oprah even had a show about domestic violence as a result. On the ground level, some publicity was dedicated to local efforts to educate kids about relationship violence. An article at the end of March in the New York Times by Susan Dominus, Confronting Dating Violence by Telling Teens That More Abuse Is Not the Solution, describes a program like the one I participated in to help educate kids about relationship violence, offers this stark fact:
Ms. Garcia delivers, in a hushed voice, some of the relevant statistics: one study found that from 1990 to 1994, nearly half of the female homicide victims in New York City were killed by intimate partners, and about 8 percent of those victims were teenagers.
While the murder statistic is dramatic and important to get a jaded teen's attention, it downplays the fact that many people live with abuse for years, sometimes decades. Another NY Times article inspired by Chris Brown (Teenage Girls Stand By Their Man) highlighted the old attitude that if a girl or woman got hit by her partner, she probably did something to deserve it. This was something that I encountered almost 20 years ago as a peer educator, but the girls in the article also blamed Rihanna for not hitting Chris in return. This concept of "girl power" and eqaulity are not exactly what feminists are promoting. Elisa at Mother Talkers notes:
That said, some commenters in the ParentDish thread said their teenaged daughters taunted boys with no repercussions. They noted that even though news reports said Rihanna hit Brown first, there were no charges filed against her, thus a double standard in violence.
A quick and dirty google search brought up a lot of articles in regards to the spike in violence among teen girls. Still, my gut tells me beating someone to the point they must go to the hospital is never acceptable. Ever.
How do we instill confidence and self-esteem in our girls and at the same time teach them violence is never acceptable -- even on their part?
An additional level of silence is imposed upon teens in same-sex relationships who experience abuse. According to aardvark (An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection), the incidence of relationship violence in same-sex couples is equal to the abuse rate of homosexual women. Advocates for Youth reports that 8% of reported domestic violence cases among same-sex couples involved people under the age of 22, but of course that is just among reported cases.
Ceara at The Lesbian Said What?? has some facts about partner abuse in lesbian relationships, and notes that:
It is hard for anyone in abusive relationships to seek help, but there are added difficulties for lesbians. There is little acceptance of the existence of lesbian battering. Many battered women’s services are not sensitive to the needs of lesbians. If her family, friends, and colleagues do not know she is a lesbian, it will be virtually impossible for the victim to reach out to them for support.
The stats are clear: kids are modeling the behavior of the adults they observe, whether from a distance or up close and personal. We need to give them the tools to handle themselves in a non-violent manner. And it's not just girls who need the lessons.
Suzanne also blogs at Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants.
