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Today is the last day of October and of Domestic Violence Awareness month. Obviously in what I would believe to be a better world such an observance would be completely unnecessary. Since that is not so, I wanted to take the opportunity to share the work of Maggie Dammit of Okay, Fine, Dammit, and Violence Unsilenced, a site with the goal of "shedding light on the epidemic of domestic violence and sexual assault by giving its survivors a voice."
Maggie is one of my writing inspirations who used the still-amazing-to-me ability to immediately self-publish and her formidable voice in the blogosphere to provide this digital space where people affected by domestic violence - survivors like Gina at Upside Down Cats and Jett at All Blogged Up and Nowhere to Go - can tell their stories.
I cannot begin to share the stories of many of the people I have known who have been affected by domestic violence, both because they are not my stories to tell and because there are so many at different levels of complexity that I wouldn't know where to begin if they were. When I mentally scroll through the years and relationships of my life, I'm sobered by the numbers of individuals I've known personally whom I could say had either been abused or were abusers - and this was just in situations that I knew enough about to be able to make that call.
So if I can't, who can? And if they want to, but are unable to, either from fear of violence being done to them by a family member or the safety of their extended family, how can we help them?
Maggie was willing to talk to me and I would like her answers to stand alone, both because she is one of the most capable writers I know and also because I believe the story is best told simply. Please, read about why she started this project and how you, if you choose to, can participate. Reach out however it is comfortable for you. Comment, as she suggests. And if you are like me, be amazed and somehow comforted that this vast medium of blogging, whatever it means for you and as alternately loved and reviled as it is, can bring people together for purposes as noble as they can be the opposite. Here is what I asked Maggie, and here is how she answered:
I used this quote from the Violence Unsilenced site as my guide for this post, because in my role here I am most concerned about what we can do as friends and family members to support people we love who may find themselves in precarious situations.
"I believe that you have people in your life that are being abused, you just don’t realize it. I believe victims are led to believe they are alone, that no one will believe them, and that people will think less of them."
1. How can we help? And I know you're not giving clinical advice on the site, so if you just want to point me to stories that's fine. No pressure here.
