Wait.....seriously? I'm A Mom??
Well world....I'm finally a mom. Truly a scary thought. I never thought this would happen to me. I mean I have dreamed about becoming a mom since I was 5, literally. If you were to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always: A MOM. See? Even at that young age I knew that would be my greatest aspiration in life. I already knew God's plan for me.
It's been an interesting experience (being pregnant and all), very interesting - and by the way, it’s also been a scary roller coaster ride since I found out I was having my little one. His nickname is Lil D or Little Man.
Well let’s start on the best day of my life...well 2 days before it actually. I woke up on Nov 18th feeling a little odd. If you know me, then you know I am always feeling odd (I always tell people I am the weirdest person you will ever meet), but I digress. This was a different type of odd; I just knew that we were gonna end up in the hospital that day. You see, my husband and I had to go to my 39th week appt that day and as I was getting dressed I noticed how large my feet had gotten (swollen, really swollen). It freaked me out, but I didn’t let it bother me too much - cause we were on our way to the doctors anyhow. Looking back, I just think it was a denial of sorts...like "I'm not having this baby yet cause I'm not ready and therefore nothing is going to happen", ya know?
So we get to the doctor’s office to find out what I already knew...I had to go to the hospital. My husband was freaking out asking over and over how I was doing and feeling. He was so cute being all worried for me and the baby :o). But you could tell he was really excited, while I on the other hand, started feeling that sense of dread. The "Holy mackerel I'm probably gonna have a baby today" feeling.
Anyhow, they admited me to the hospital for preeclampsia. I was induced at 7:30pm on 11/18/2009. Hearing the words that I would be induced scared the snot out of me. All I kept thinking was...I'M NOT READY! I was terrified of so many things all at the same time. One being labor (shocker right?), second...I'm gonna be someone's mom. I had spent 5 months of bed rest for him; but that fact wasn't made real until that moment.
Well, on top of being induced, I was placed on Magnesium Sulfate for my preeclampsia. It’s a type of medicine that makes you sleepy, weak and nauseous. So they placed me back on bed rest in the hospital bed (imagine my joy), inserted a catheter (not cool at all) and placed me on a clear liquid diet (what a joke). UGH! So picture it, not only are those things irritating me; I also have a fetal monitor on my belly (that had to be changed every time I moved in bed), I had a monitor on my belly for contractions (which caught none of them) and a cuff for my blood pressure (which of course was high cause you know - I was so ready for all this).
To say the least I was uncomfortable. My butt was numb constantly; my back hurt severely and I couldn't breathe most of the time (really bad allergies). I was miserable. Oh, wait! I forgot the best part - the nurse read the order wrong that first night and did not allow me to eat or drink at all (not even ice cubes). Let me let you in on a little secret - I get very grumpy with no food, like evil grumpy...seriously. Boy let me tell you, I was a grumpy gills who did not sleep at all the first night. No, I swear I'm not bitter towards that nurse....grrrrrrr.
Next day, the doctor came in to give me several new medicines to induce labor, cause the first did nothing but give me cramp-like contractions. What an awesome doctor - she says sarcastically. I was so terrified for my son - but they swore it would all be fine for the baby. Liars - sorry getting ahead of myself. Through it all I kept praying; praying for my son, the delivery, my health and of course for my hubby. Then Thursday night came.
Around midnight (Thursday into Friday); my doctor stripped my membranes - cause I was at 2 whole centimeters. He also gave me that wonderful medicine called Pitocin. My husband called our parents and I waited for the contractions to start and boy did they start! Literally a half hour later I was demanding an epidural (how can anyone go natural?).
Now comes the good part. 5:30am The nurse checks me and says: "Seven centimeters". It didn’t faze me. I thought "cool beans" and went back to sleep - man was I high! My hubby called our parents and we waited - well I slept. Since my mom was the only other person allowed in the delivery room, she got to the hospital rather quickly. In fact she told me that she literally got to the hospital in 7 mins (it's a 15min drive). Well, at 6:30 am the nurse checks me and says: "Its time. You're fully dilated".
Before I go on, I must say a word about my nurse that night. She was so cold and distant; her bedside manner was non-existent. Seriously though, she is not the nurse anyone should have during a situation like that...or so I thought.
Anyhow, after she tells me I'm fully dilated. I think I asked her about 3 times: "So it’s time to push?" She would just smile and say "Yup." I don’t remember much about what was happening in the room except that things got very dark. Not evil dark, more like it was 1am type dark. I do remember my mother and husband taking their positions on either side of me - both with strikingly different looks. My mother looked like a kid in a candy store who shouldn't be; while my poor husband looked like he just seen a ghost.
We then told the nurse that we weren't able to take the Child Birth Classes because I was on bed rest. She remained unfazed. She smiled and said: "No problem. I'll guide you." Now, let me tell you...she was the best coach I could ever hope for. God really blessed me with this nurse. She was so encouraging and patient. It was really the Lord who allowed her to be my nurse. As I was pushing please remember this: I was on magnesium sulfate AND an epidural - I should have had no strength whatsoever. In fact, the nurse warned me that I would be pushing for a very long time. Great, just what I wanted to hear ya know?
I started to push and I felt nothing. Dread started to fill my heart, all I kept lamenting: "Nothing is happening; I'm doing it wrong. This baby's never gonna come out!" But the nurse kept encouraging. "You're doing great; I can already see the baby's head. Keep going." Oh, by the way my mother and husband were great coaches too. They were so helpful and kind. I couldn't have done it without either of them. But to let you know...I could've sworn that they were all lying to me. "How could the baby's head be right there when I feel nothing?" Actually, I think I told them that a couple of times.
So about a half hour later; out of breath (I literally could not breath) and scared I told the nurse: "Stop, I can't do this anymore. Just cut me open and take him out. Please, I can't. I can't." The nurse responded with some funny comment, but I don't remember what she said. All I remember being was mad that they didn't do just that.
Everyone just looked at me with such pity. I don't remember what they said, but I just knew they were lying to me. I looked up at the ceiling and cried out: "SWEET JESUS I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!! HELP ME!" Quite literally people, I got a renewed strength. I did not know what happened but it was as if I had just started. Oddly enough, I started rushing everyone else. I kept asking: "Can I push?"
Finally, the doctor came in and the rest is definitely fuzzy. I remember though that feeling of Lil D coming out. There are just no words to express how relieved I was. It was so funny; I looked at my husband and asked: "Is he here? Am I done?" By that time it was 7:16am Nov 20th. God had such mercy on me and I only pushed for 45mins. That was so the Lord!
Unfortunately, I literally cannot remember anything else. I slept for four hours after that.
My son was sent to the NICU that day. You can read my twitter feed to find out what happened there. Its: Justathought08
God was really merciful during that whole time. Here's another funny thing; I kept repeating the line Jesus you are my reward...ya know from that song
A New Mom Really? I'm A Mom