Waiting for the Green
A simple foray into my overstuffed closet to put away laundry triggered some self-realization and has inspired me to make some changes in my life.
As I struggled to make room for the same sweats and shorts I wore last week and will probably throw on again this week, I stopped to admire of many dresses with a tag still attached. It wasn't a recent purchase, I've probably had it about a year. As is my habit, I styled it in my head, recalling some cute wedges I bought last summer that also haven't been worn yet and chunky bangles. I've always done this. I plan outfits, looks, ensembles, down to the eye shadow. But I never wear these stunning creations.Well rarely since becoming a WAHM. But I keep buying. I don't think I'm a compulsive shopper or a clothes hoarder (though Hubby might argue this point). I'm just waiting for the right reason to wear the outfits. I started to straighten up my desk and I see two brochures and applications from two film courses I want to take. I'm just waiting for my life to slow down, finances to speed up,etc, to apply to the schools. After I cleared my desk, I went through my inbox and read emails from two charitable organizations I did actually join, but have yet to attend a meeting or function to, because I'm waiting... waiting....for the right time.
Yeah, I see the pattern too. I'm always waiting for "something" to begin the life I want to live. I can't remember who told me that I need the right moment, or a clear path in order to make a positive change. But I'm guessing somebody must have. But I'm beginning to suspect I've been scammed, While I'm waiting for a green light, somebody else is taking my spot in that class, wearing that outfit, heading that new project, writing that story and I'm thinking no one told them ready, set, GO! They just went.
This will be hard habit to break. But It can only help me. I promise myself today to stop waiting for the green light, the clear path, the right omen. I'll blow my own whistle and start the race now.....maybe
Shavon Robinson "The Ovulator"
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