for want of a baby shower.

i want a baby shower.
desperatly. i'm ready to beg on my knee's here. i would throw one for myself....but i have no one to invite.

i have my nan, and my father who aren't really interested my husband my daughter and my once apon a time social worker. i'm not ashamed to say ALL my friends are virtual (well on facebook) who i have never met.
i recently stated to someone that i'm dissapointed i'm not getting one. And within a moment i was wishing i had never opened my  mouth. They immediatly started in on how they got one but hated it. because who wants to be the centre of attention anyway. who would organise a party where people 'HAVE' to buy you presents. who would put their friends through all the rappy games and forced merriment?
at the time i nodded and smiled and acted ahamed at myself for even considering such a horrible thing but in my head. In my hidden happy place i was screaming ME!

ME. I want a baby shower. i want to be the centre of attention for once. i  would love for someone to buy me presents, laugh with me and play silly games with me.
for someone to be excited for me. i've never really had a birthday party, i got married without having a wedding shower or bridal shower. my first baby was born without a baby shower either. shortly after my child is born this year will be my 21'st birthday. i'm hoping someone other then my immediate family will even remember.

When did wanting to have a celebreation become 'materialistic' or selfish? All those wonderfull parties that i saw the previous generation have seem to now be frowned apon. did i not get a memo? did i deleate a chain mail when i should have sent it on. is this one of the many hundreds of punishments i lined myself up for when i didn't immediatly send on the spam mail to 10 of my contacts?

these glowing moments of achievement i seem to remember from my childhood seem to have been replaced by binge drinking at night clubs. which i didn't enjoy even when i was a irresponsible teenager. (a friend once told me i must have been born 30)

is it wrong to want to be the centre of attention. To want to celebrate how far i have come. have you ever been made to feel  ashamed because you wanted a baby shower?
did you miss an important celbration or milestone?

am i the only one here?


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