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The combination of recession-driven budget constraints, space limitations as I transition out of one home before having a new one to move into and increasingly getting clear about my relationship with stuff means that I haven't bought much outside of consumables (food, gas, toiletries) in a while. But that doesn't mean I have stopped wanting new things. And that's O.K..
I am not talking about some unconscious desire to acquire stuff to fill some void or hole in my life. I am not talking about mindless consumerism or succumbing to evil marketers trying to trick me into buying their latest widget. I am not talking about wanting to define myself by flashing the right brands to show I belong to the right class gang.
Beyond the wanting of stuff, I also have not stopped wanting more of the non-tangible stuff of life like more friendship, more love, more purposeful work, more engagement and fun to fill up my days. I have all those things now but I greedily want more. And that's O.K., too.
When it comes to things I think that there is nothing wrong with wanting those things that will make your life easier, more enjoyable, more beautiful. For example, nobody on this earth needs an iPod or a television but those two things bring me happiness through the entertainment I watch and listen to on them.
When it comes to life if you somehow miraculously reach all of your goals or realize all of your dreams you could choose to stop there and enjoy your success and savor your memories of the ride. Or you could choose to not be satisfied and view stopping as stagnation and so, set new goals for yourself or dream new dreams.
I recently was reminded of the concept of wanting what you have. The idea is that contentment is more satisfying than pursuit. Pursuit is often fear-driven and as a result can make life more miserable and less happy. Feeling like you aren't good or enough if you don't keep up with the Joneses or achieve some external signifier of accomplishment can turn wanting more into a painful prison. If you can be satisfied with what you have then you can be happy regardless of your circumstances. It is how people with seemingly little can be happier than some of the super-wealthy who never feel like they have enough.
There is truth to that philosophy. The ability to calm your mind, be still and in the moment is an invaluable tool. When you don't know that you are "poor" or lack the things that others have then measures of satisfaction become much simpler. Often times people chase promotions, titles, corner offices and other symbols of "making it" because their family, society or other external chattering classes tell them they must when they would be happy continuing to do what they do and progress no further.
It's all a matter of balance; that is being able to be content with what you have and where you are while still desiring more and dreaming bigger and better dreams. I'm OK with lusting after a Ballenciaga bag. Though I'm entirely too practical to blow my budget and drop four figures on a purse, my life would not suck with it. Similarly I'm proud of so much that I've accomplished and achieved in my life but I am not content to rest on those laurels and I chase my grandiose dreams. It's a happy medium.
Where do you strike the balance? Do you want what you have? Does wanting more push you towards greater happiness or bring disappointment if you don't get it? Or do you buy or chase what you want only to find that it doesn't bring the satisfaction you envisioned?
Related Reading:
Jeanna Bryner at Live Science: Happiness Tip: Want What You Have
Life is not all about the haves and have-nots. New research reveals a more nuanced approach to life: Individuals who want what they have tend to be happier than others.
T. Byram Karasu, M.D. at Psychology Today: Living While Dying
For a patient of mine this story sounded totally absurd. "What difference would it make to taste the sweetness of a strawberry while you are about to plunge into your death? It is like asking a dead man walking what he would like to have as his last meal. I would ask for nothing! Well, maybe a wild mushroom omelette. What is a few more minutes, hours, or even days?" Because he couldn't live forever,
