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I'm doing some short term work for a company I worked for several years ago and I'm noticing a potential trap: it is tempting to let my ego get overinflated.
Although much has changed since I was there last and I'm playing a different role than previously, I know the terrain really well. The young new kids are already looking to me for direction and guidance. One even said something along the lines of "Maria knows everything." And I wouldn't be a human being if I didn't tell you that, even though briefly, my ego nommed on that delicious bit like it was the last slice of chocolate cake on the planet.
But I'm older and wiser now. I know that it is the way of the ego to direct the heart and mind to crave and chase that flattery like a drug. And I know that revisiting familiar patterns, resting on my laurels and reliving glory days can be a deep dark hole I don't want to fall into.
To begin with, last time I was there I was hired to be an executive and to help lead and train a team. This time I'm just lending a quick fix of support as a temporary member of the team and adding value because I understand the business. It is not my job this time to run the show but rather to jump in where needed which I can do without training. When those who are still learning the ropes are looking up to you, though, it is hard to resist their flattering entreaties.
As a moderator one thing I've learned is that it is easier to hear answers to questions when it is a subject you know little about. This is because your mind is less apt to either be closed off and silently shouting "wrong!" or formulating an alternative answer because your ego is telling you how much you "know." Same thing here. If I try to inhabit a space from the previous decade I might miss opportunities to learn a new and better approach or method.
Plus, I am there to be of service not to feel good about how smart and talented I am. Better to simply be genuinely helpful because I am smart and talented rather than provoke people into wishing I had never returned by seeking validation instead.
Instead of contempt, I fear familiarity breeding complacency. Previously I was there to prove myself so that I would be promoted and succeed. This time I'm just parachuting in for a limited amount of time. But thinking that I already know everything I need to know means not only would I miss out on learning opportunities but that I also would risk making mistakes. Not only do I want this company to feel good about bringing me back for a guest starring turn but I want to demonstrate that I am still capable of the kind of great work that earned me promotions to the big leagues when I was there previously.
Open, humble and grateful to be of service will ultimately serve me. And I'm really glad to know that I am able to see the potential to be distracted from that.
What are your ego traps? How do you avoid them? Do you find yourself stuck by being good at what you do and not risking learning, changing or growing? Is flattery a straitjacket?
Related Reading:
Renae at Heart of the Matter (online): Feeding My Pride
Those external things don’t make me humble. I inflate opinions of myself in other ways.
My pride gorges itself with thoughts of invincibility. I am strong. I like to think I can keep the house clean and children laughing, while speaking gentle words of wisdom. Then the sun rises, and I pull the quilt over my head.
I want to be regarded as thoughtful, smart, and capable. But just when I’ve got things under control and figured out, children grow, seasons change, finances squeeze, or the dryer breaks. The laundry stacks up and the floor collects dirt.
Pam MacKenzie at In Stitches: Knitting and the ego
I have been aware lately that some of my knitting activities seem to be something of an ego trip.
According to Tolle and others, the ego is the persona we build up about ourselves to distinguish oneself from others. It is the voice that says, “I am better” or “I am not as good,” or “Look at me, I want to be the center of attention,” or “Look at all that
