The Way it Should Be!

I was trying to be sympathetic, even though your choices are definitely not mine, until your last sentences. You completely lost it for me when you honestly tried to make such sweeping generalizations.

Perhaps you can't see how your life could work without your man, but there are plenty of heterosexual people who manage it, not to even get started on all the non-heterosexual people who manage it just fine.

~whatsername~

Um, yeah - forgot to even mention that idiotic lie. Some people are gay. Some are bi. Some are poly. Some are truly mono - don't want anyone else at all.

And we are ALL in this together.
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com ( http://www.JustCauseIt.com )

A man was made for a woman, a woman for a man...and that's the way it is. One cannot live without the other happily, in my opinion. And that's the way it should be.

Except that homosexual people very happily live without members of the opposite sex as partners. The truth is that people need support from each other, regardless of sex or gender, and that, as Elisa noted, we should live our lives in ways that work for us and not try and tell everyone that the way that works for one person is "the way that it should be."

Right on Elisa, Liz, Alyssa, and Tiara.

Suzanne Reisman ( http://www.blogher.com/member/suzanne ), Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/feminism-gender )
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants ( http://cussandotherrants.com/ )

Thanks Liz. I didn't realize what a feminist I was until I was challenged!

It is amazing to me how quickly people forget that the generations before them made the world what it is today. How lucky that equality is such a given that she thinks she can just disregard it, but how terribly sad it is that it is not appreciated. or even realized. it was NOT long ago that women had no choices. that black people rode on the backs of busses.

this equality (if it is true equal yet?) was hard won, and i am dearly afraid that people won't know what prize it is, will just toss it aside.

and heaven help me if i raise a daughter who thinks she NEEDS a man. NEEDS? no. as in, is incomplete and can't survive without one? NO!

Now WANTS, that's a whole different thing. I don't NEED my husband, but i sure do WANT him. and i think we all need to pay a whole lot more attention to the things we WANT. :)
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com ( http://www.JustCauseIt.com )

And like others have said, Miss Martini, do what makes you happy. Truly. Be glad that you have that freedom. That it's a choice.

Personally, I'm down with equality. I expect my someday husband to protect and provide, and I expect to protect and provide. I envision us as proud, hardworking equals taking turns at the tough stuff.

Alyssa Royse, that was a beautiful comment and just what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much!

Liz Rizzo ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

Here's the thing, I think it's very likely that this initial blog post is "bait" to get a response and is not "real." But I think that because I find the the sentiments in it so horrifying that I don't want to believe it is true.

Of course, it could be, in which case I would like to think that I can greet this innocent ignorance (if there can be such a thing) with some degree of compassion.

But let's be clear, no one can define "a woman." We are all as different as snowflakes or raindrops or ripples left from flung stones. The primary - if not only - tenant of feminism is that women have the right to choose their own path rather than have one forced on them by society. Or ignorant people.

That right - which is yours and mine - was hard fought by generations of women before you and I (and I suspect I am a generation ahead of you.)

If you want to be the reincarnation of June Cleaver, you go for it. You have that right. If you want to grow your leg hair and wear flannel shirts, you go for it. You have that right. If you want to be a stripper, a chef, a firefighter, a teacher, a surgeon, a CEO, a mother, a single woman, a married woman, a lesbian woman, a woman in an open marriage, a woman with kids, a woman without kids, a woman with long hair, a woman with no hair, a woman who wears make-up, a woman who doesn't wear make-up, YOU GO FOR IT, YOU HAVE THAT RIGHT.

You have that right because generations of feminists before you fought for that right. The right for you to have equal pay, equal rights, equal votes, equal property rights, EQUALITY. And there is not a feminist that I know of who thinks that women become equal by being just like men.

Or by being just like each other.

We, as women - indeed, as humans - come in a glorious variety of shapes, sizes, colors and demeanors, and any feminist celebrates ALL of it.

I am a feminist. Certainly. I also shave my legs, love lipstick (and all make up, though only when i get around to it), i cook great meals for my husband and family (because although he can do lots of things, cooking just isn't one of them). I consider myself a nice cross between June Cleaver, Martha Stewart, Ma Ingalls and Jenna Jameson. (yes, that's what I meant,) And I have the right to be.

And my husband, whom I adore, is getting ready to quit his job and be our daughter's primary caregiver, keep up the house and design jewelry. (and hopefully learn to cook.) As such, I have the luxury of building my company and working more than full time, knowing that he's got my back. That is our choice. We get to make it.

Now, you also have the right to be WHATEVER YOU WANT. But you do not have the right to judge any woman for expressing herself differently. You do not have the right to deem anyone "less" of a woman because they do it differently than you.

And no one gets to judge you either.

I'm guessing you are very young (and may not be aware of it), unless of course this was just a joke. But one of the things that you need to learn is that we are only free - truly free - when we allow others around us to also be free.

Bake your pies, run your companies, raise your babies or don't.... But be damned glad that you have the right to choose what kind of woman you are. And know that is the very principle of feminism.
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com ( http://www.JustCauseIt.com )

Seconded!

But I have to say i find that most problems in the country and the world stem from thinking that runs along the lines of "What's right for me...is the way it SHOULD BE for everyone."

Why go there?

Elisa Camahort
BlogHer
elisa@blogher.org

All these feminists who are shouting..."we wan't equality!" "we can do everything ourselves!" "we're independant!"
Well, no you can't.

Why actually, yes I can. And I have been independent and doing most things myself for quite a while now. Having a boyfriend (which is a very recent development) is nice, but that doesn't take away anything from my independence. If he can't function independently himself then I don't want him. Thank goodness he's rather independent too!

Feminism isn't about man-hating. It's about equal rights regardless of gender. It's about giving choice. Without feminism, women wouldn't have the choice to work or be a mother or do both. They wouldn't have the choice to keep the baby or have an abortion or adopt it out or just not have a kid. They wouldn't have a say in the jobs they could have. Feminism is the reason you can say "I want to be a stay-at-home mother" if you wished, or "I want to be a corporate head honco", if you wished, and any choice you make is fine. More power to you!

Just don't denigrate all the other women who choose differently. Who don't want a man. Who want a hundred men. Who want women instead. Whatever.

You can't really be serious. This sounds too much like a bad parody. Not to mention being both sexist AND heterosexist.