We All Desire Sexual Desire
By Dr E on July 16, 2014
In a global study of 12,000 women and men, the most highly valued part of sex was feeling sexual desire for one’s partner.
Read that again! Not being desired, but rather feeling desire for the one we are with.
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Sexual Desire For Your Partner
More than 70% of both men and women wanted this feeling (that is an extremely high and consistent number for biological science).
The feeling of sexual desire for a partner was more valued than the physical feeling of pleasure itself during sex!
We Need To Feel Desire
This speaks volumes to the instinctual level of sex and reproduction in our lives—we “need” to have sex to reproduce and to have sex we “need” to feel desire.
Compliant sex just isn’t that great no matter how we dress it up.
The saving grace here is that especially for women, starting to have sex to comply with our partner’s desire can arouse us. Especially if the time is taken in foreplay and a well-written, well-rounded sexual script—where desire can then jump out and take both partners by surprise.
In my life, this usually looks like, “I am too tired, don’t worry about me tonight,” then he starts fooling around and my attitude quickly changes to “Slow down, wait for me, I didn’t mean it.” This ends in quite relaxing sex and orgasms for both of us.
How To Feel More Sexual Desire
One of the best ways to feel more sexual desire is by increasing sexual frequency!
The higher levels of testosterone made by people who have more sex make them want to have more sex.
This is a very good thing because people (both men and women) who feel higher levels of sexual desire in their relationships have fewer thoughts of ending their relationship and fewer thoughts of starting a new relationship.
So, the message is: “Get cracking, get moving, have more sex!”
And given that a majority of people (58% of women and 57% of men) are not satisfiedwith their sex lives, and 24% of women and 36% of men have less sex than they want, the only real failsafe for positively affecting our sexual chemistry is to have more sex.
Don’t Forget Quality!
Increasing your quantity of sex is a biochemical way of keeping passions going, but, of course, the quality of your sex life matters a lot as well. Try some of the tips in this blog, such as the Playbook.
- Dr. E
Science can help us nurture and enjoy our sexual selves.