We are all just prisoners here, of our own device

When you live on the beach, like we do, in the summer month’s your home feels more like a hotel.  Over the years, Marc and I have had a lot of fun joking about the “hotel we run”.  First we made brochures.  Then we put room numbers on the guest doors.  Then we purchased signage to place in the rooms saying stuff like “we are not responsible for lost or stolen items” and “we provide our guests with a smoke free environment.”  We have even gone so far as to obtain a gmail account related to “our hotel name.”  Alex used to be the proprietor of the establishment, but now Lucy is taking over.  Thanks to her daddy, one of our upcoming guests received this email… 

 

Feeling Beachie - flagHello Mr. and Mrs. Cousin,
 
Thank you for your recent reservations at the Atlantic Beach Hotel Resort.  As a valued customer, we appreciate choosing us again.
 
As you may know, we have gone thru some major renovations due to hurricane Sandy.  As a result, we now offer our guests a better experience but must alert you on some minor changes:
 
 
1.    Our rates must increase by 4%, minimal request for a such a beautiful hotel experience.
 
2.    Elimination of free beverages. We have installed vending machines throughout the hotel.  We recommend bring your own.
 
3.    Elimination of air conditioning, we have installed fans in the rooms and windows that open. We recommend dress loosely.
 
4.    Bathroom toilets only flush 3 times a day and have a smaller throughput.  Larger output will require manual removal.
 
5.    Showers no longer spray water, a new dripping mechanism has been installed.  We recommend limited showers and use of ocean.
 
6.    2 Person King Size room has been changed to 4 Person King Size room.  If you don’t have 2 other people, we will assign 2 for your convenience.
 
7.    Bathroom toilet paper has been replaced with recyclable wax paper.  We recommend not wiping.
 
8.    Elimination of bathroom towels.  We provided each room with War and Peace hardcover book, we recommend sitting around until you dry.
 
9.    Elimination of hotel vehicle.  We have purchased roller skates and helmets for your convenience.
 
10.    Bedroom sheets and pillows will no longer be cleaned after visitors depart.  Each room now has larger windows.  We recommend shaking out sheets before each sleep.  If you detect any dirty spots or stains, we have provided “white out” for your convenience.
 
If any of these items cause any inconvenience, we are truly sorry and hoe you understand that we must cut back where we can so we can continue to provide our guests with the best experience possible.
 
Thank You
Lucilea Alexis Grossman
(Proprietor)
How I get involved in this stuff, I don't know...
  • How I get involved in this stuff, I don’t know…

 

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