We broke up with Keurig.

Breaking up with the Keurig


Dear Keurig,


It's not me, it's you.


Peace Out,






We broke up with our Keurig coffee maker last week.


I wasn't sad about it one bit.


I know, it's sacrilege to you Keurig lovers out there but I'm just not buying the flashy tone it takes with me.


I've complained about the Keurig since we got it as a gift. Right off the bat my beef was that I couldn't really control the strength. So off I went to find a really strong Keurig K-Cup. Enter Dark Magic.


Dark Magic did the trick for the most part and it soon became our favorite.


This is the thing...


Coffee has a job to do. It needs to wake my ass up. I have two cups a day. One in the morning to resuscitate me back to life and allow me to function and one in the afternoon to keep me a happy wife and mommy through bedtime.




Flavored coffees are nice and fun but they're really meaningless to me if they don't work. It's like a waste of drinking if I'm drinking for the Raspberry Truffle flavor. I know what a Raspberry Truffle tastes like, I think. I don't need my coffee flavored with it to survive. Besides, that's what flavored creamers are for. Which we buy on the reg. 


Let's move on from flavors. The machine is glitchy! Our first machine clogged and we ended up with coffee grounds in every cup of coffee. Keurig was nice enough to send us a brand new one. It's glitchy, too. But, you know what? I'm over it.


It's probably user error (my fault) because I didn't clean it with vinegar seven times or I didn't clean it with mountain spring water or I didn't talk dirty to it. By the way, I did do the vinegar cleanse for the Keurig and it still smells like vinegar after several washes of purified water. Vinegar coffee. Yum. 


I'm sure it's my fault. But I don't care. Coffee machines shouldn't need as much babying as my own babies. For the price of a Keurig and their boxes of stupid little cups, they should not only make me a flawless cup of coffee, but they should maybe cook me dinner, as well.


And the cost! That's what broke this camel's back. My husband and I both drink two cups a day. The boxes of Dark Magic K-cups at Target are always id=mce_marker0.99. Even when they pretend they're on sale with their little white sale tags, it's ALWAYS id=mce_marker0.99. We were literally buying two boxes a week. We roughly estimated spending about $60-$80 on K-Cups a month. WTF?!?!?! And we ordered in bulk over Amazon a few times and that was still about $60 a month.


Not only is the machine glitchy and the coffee costly but there is so much waste! Now, I'm not Miss Earth Mother Recycle Nazi or anything, but these little plastic cups are everywhere! And we're lazy and garbage is not right next to the Keurig so they accumulate. Again, that's our flaw. But guess what isn't littering my counter tops with a regular coffee machine? Stupid plastic K-Cups, that's what.


And so it was decided. We finished our last K-Cup and for less than what it would cost us to buy another month of K-Cups, we bought a pretty decent coffee machine. Now we have a full pot for mass consumption again!




When I've told other Keurig owners about the break up, they look disappointed. Like I'm not part of the club anymore. And, again, I'm sure it's us. User error. We weren't good Keurig owners.


And we're not counting out Keurig forever. It did make a pretty good cup of coffee, I'm not denying that. Maybe we'll fire up the old Keurig later. Maybe we're not completely over.


We're just on a break.








Mom to Gabe (14), Christian (4), and Lola (3)

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