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For the "We Can't Make This Stuff Up" files, two enthralling recent ads!
First -- courtesy doctorparadox (barb of geeked) on Flickr: Spotted at CES 2009, the one, the only, MINI CROTCH PROJECTOR.
The all-new FU88 XGA crotch projector is now smaller than ever before -- as you can see, it fits comfortably over this shapely torso's microscopic landing strip. However, this baby is packed full of features, including the ability to project an enormous hi-res image from the lady's crotch!
Oh, it's not a real product debuting at CES? Pity. I'd project the bat signal. Or slides of my vacation. To the Eiffel Tower.
Next, from Tampax, an elaborate campaign around a 16-year-old boy who wakes up with lady bits. Suddenly, he's developed a horror of pee on toilet seats and learning how teenage girls cope with nightmares like imagined weight gain, PMS, and bonding.
Let's let Kelly at Bachelor Girl tick off what ticks her off about this campaign, starting with, "First off, the kid's name is Zach JOHNSON. Really, Tampax? Really?"
But all that's about to change, because young Master Johnson is getting those girly urges. Per Kelly,
In addition to giving her the bathroom right-of-way, Zach finds himself wanting to spend more time with his sister. He even stays home one night to make brownies and watch a romantic movie with her. A chick flick! Vaginas make you have crappy taste in movies.
I've had a vagina for 32 years, and I've hated romantic movies for every single minute. Does liking action and horror movies, comic books and vintage cars mean my vagina has malfunctioned?
Presumably the big-on-YouTube campaign is aimed at raising lifelong brand awareness among teen girls by instilling some enduring life lessons:
- All women melt down every single month with bitch-making, brain-scrambling PMS.
- Girls watch daytime TV and The Estrogen Channel, leading them to cry at cooking shows and speak in baby talk, especially when they have PMS.
- You really need a penis to have a relationship with a woman.
- Menstruation is way worse than losing a digit in shop class! That's verbatim from "Zack's" "blog," by the by.
- A man should never, never, never be asked to buy tampons! Ever. (Even if they're Tampax, apparently. Huh.)
Flowing to Tampax's defense is Megan at The Rest is Cream Cheese. In "Dude Wakes Up with Vaj, Tampax Grows a Pair," she notes,
Yes, sort of funny, Tampax, but also sort of stereotypical and mildly sexist. But, some real issues are addressed and if I really strain to hark back to my first days as a "woman," I think my past self would find this site to be both ridiculous, funny and maybe a little helpful.
Judge for yourself. We can't make this stuff up.
