This Week's Backtalk: Divorce and Blended Families

is similar to Lindsay's. My daughter is 18 (step, if you must know,) and our sons are 9 and 7. Yes, you heard me right-she's my daughter. Just as much as if she had come from my belly. Yes, there are hard days-and just because she's 18 doesn't mean that the hard days don't come anymore. My only regret is that I wasn't her mom earlier. Baby girl clothes are so cute!

Blogging her teenage years is a tightrope walk. I rarely talk about her if I'm upset with her (or her brothers or her father for that matter) because I know who is reading and concerned with who might be. I think that she would give me more rope than I take, though.

I have 4 sons- 2 biological, and 2 step.  I didn't always say I had 4 sons, I always said, I have 2 step-sons, and my 2 little ones.  It's taken an 11 year marriage + 2 year courtship to really come to where we are right now.  It was not an easy path to accept the older boys, nor was it easy on them to accept me.  There are still issues that I don't know will ever get resolved, but we do the best we can day by day.  Some days good, some days really bad.  The ages of my kids are 20,18,7, and 4.  Big span there, 2 families really.  If I had to do it over again I wouldn't.  It has been that difficult of a journey.  I love my husband and I love my step-sons, but to get to that place of love was not something I would repeat.  To honest? 

Do you know that ,One of the least frequently discussed topics within perinatal education classes is the resumption of the sexual relationship after a baby's birth. Couples often ask me the following questions: When is it safe to have sexual intercourse after the birth of a baby? Does it hurt the first time? What about making love and breastfeeding?Well ,these are some FAQ's(freqently asked questions),that I believe you would find very useful.

1.- Is it normal not to want to have sex after having a baby?
YES,it is .Men and women may have different worries and reactions when it comes to postpartum sex.
For women, pregnancy and childbirth fatigue, pain from perineal tearing or stitches from an episiotomy, lack of sleep, hor­monal fluctuations, and concern over physical appearance may impact their mood and sexual desire.
For men, sexual desire is affected by the intense nature of the birth, adapting to their new role, not wanting to pressure their partner, and concerns over their partner’s physical appearance. Some men have a very emotional reaction to the birth and may feel rejected by their partner.
2.- How do we get the magic back?
Intimacy, tenderness, and commu­nication are key factors. It’s important to talk about your feeling and insecurities before and after the baby is born.
After the birth, the time and energy devoted to the new baby may take it's toll, leaving neither available for intimacy. However, finding time alone or dating are good ways to help you adjust to your new life, and become more intimate.
Although sexual satisfaction decreases after the birth, most couples enjoy a more satisfying sexual relationship within a year following the birth.
3.- When is it safe to have sex after childbirth?
When you are ready, you can resume certain types of sexual activities a few days after the birth. Cuddling and vaginal stimulation is allowed if there is no pain or discomfort. However, you should not have sexual intercourse until your perineum is comfortable, the episiotomy has healed (3 to 5 weeks), and the lochia (bleeding) has stopped. Also, women who had a c-section should wait until their incision is healed (4 to 6 weeks).
Lovemaking may be a little different. It is common to feel very dry (this may cause discomfort during penetration), to have less intense or shorter orgasms, to have decreased tone in the perineal muscles, and for breasts to leak after an orgasm in nursing mothers. Don’t worry, these discomforts are temporary, and you sex life will be back to normal soon enough.
4.- How can I ease my discomfort?
At first, chose comfortable positions that let you control penetration and avoid putting pressure on the abdomen or your incision. Using a water-based lubricant (e.g.: K-Y, ASTROGLIDE, etc.) can make lovemaking more enjoyable.
You should not use Vaseline as it may cause vaginal irritation and damage the condom. To help increase muscle tone, resume your Kegel exercises: contract, and release vaginal muscles. Practice these exercises many times during the day.
5.- When will I get my period again?
For nursing mothers, the menstrual cycle usually resumes once nursing stops. The timing is different depending on how long you breastfeed, and whether or not you supplement with bottles,but it can vary with women............. For non-nursing mothers, menstruating will usually start 3 to 8 weeks after childbirth.
6.- What type of birth control should I use?
As soon as you start having sexual intercourse, you should use a condom if you don’t want to become pregnant until long term contraception has been chosen: oral contraceptives (the Pill), an intrauterine devices, Depo-Provera or sterilization (vasectomy or tubal ligation).
Breastfeeding is not a suitable means of contraception. For non-nursing mothers, oral contraceptives may be taken as early as the third week after delivery.
Talk to your health practitioner while you are still pregnant to find out which contraceptive method is right for you.

Hope this has been of great help to you and has answered most of the questions bothering you.Do feel free to get back to me with more questions,or if you have any comment or additions,we are open to it................got to go now..............DUTY CALLS!

www.baby-at-home.blogspot.com ( http://www.baby-at-home.blogspot.com )

Good news ya'll: I've promised myself not to saddle up my soapbox and go on too long about this, one of my favorite topics. You say it yourself in the video: Most people are touched by a blended family in one way or another. And you may call me Mrs. Brady, mother of one, stepmother of two.

The bad news? It took some pain, sometimes agony, to get there.

The good news? It's a rock-solid family, call it blended or step or (fill in blank here), and nothing is more important. To me.

You've showcased some terrific bloggers who are handling this issue with style and grace, even as they suffer. As a stepmother myself, Lindsay, I love to hear you talk about your children. And it moved me beyond words to hear Kelly's story about her children.

As someone who never expected to divorce in the first place and then never expected I'd have another chance at a happy family life with more children, I would offer up this article from Psychology Today: "Lessons from Stepfamilies ( http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?... ). It's dated but excellent, from the stepmother myth to why second marriages/partnerships with kids can be so strong -- if they make it.

Such a painful topic. Yet such a great piece.

Is anyone else out there interested in hearing more about the aspects of divorce from a parent's angle? How about whether to blog at all if you're in a custody battle? How about whether/when to date again? Would love to know what you all think...

Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder ( http://www.blogher.com/member/lisa-stone )
Surfette ( http://surfette.typepad.com )

BlogHer is non-partisan but our bloggers aren't! Follow our coverage of Politics & News ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/politics-news ).